"Me am Bizarro! Me am going to cause Smallville to jump the shark for the tenth time!"Why can't I quit you, Smallville? Every time I think that I can safely leave you behind to rot for eternity in the purgatory of the CW, you draw me back in with some awesome plot development that keeps me watching the cringe-worthy, ill-plotted, cliched tripe that makes up about 95% of your show.
I thought I could leave you in season three, when that guy that everyone thought was Batman but was just a nobody with meteor powers showed up. But the awesomeness that is Lionel Luthor kept me around. Then I thought I could turn on you in season four, when you introduced that lame British woman and her weird son who wanted Lana Lang, who was embodying the spirit of a witch (or something). But then Brainiac showed up and all was forgiven. I thought for sure I could leave in season five when your crappy show was slated to move to the CW the following season, but then General Zod took over Lex's body, burned down half of Metropolis, and trapped Clark in the Phantom Zone. I should have known that you'd eventually disappoint, but you had me at "Kneel before Zod!"
Then Season six was the worst of all. Awesome stuff happened, but the writing was so terrible that it would make one of my English 101 students cry. The season ended with Bizarro showing up! Fucking Bizarro! That's a choice move right there! Unfortunately you screwed the pooch with lines like, "I'm just like you, Clark, only a bit more... bizarre." That's practically Shakespearean guys.
Season seven started two weeks ago, and what character did you add? Was it someone awesome like Darkseid or Metallo? Or how about Green Lantern or Wonder Woman? I'd even take Bibbo; at least he's good for comic relief and some quality trout fishing. No! You added Supergirl! SUPERGIRL!! Am I the only one that remembers the crapfest that was Supergirl: The Movie? That's like using David Spade to boost the ratings of a sitcom. It just doesn't make any damn sense.
But even Supergirl won't keep me away, Smallville. You're like the abusive husband that I can't leave because you showed me love during those first few years. I'll take all the abuse and never report it to Mariska Hargitay. Why just yesterday I watched an episode in which Supergirl enters the Smallville Harvest Festival's beauty pageant, and happens to stop a pair of crazed hotties who have weather-controlling powers. No matter how many different colors of kryptonite you come up with, no matter how many times you change the characterization of Lana Lang, no matter how many times you convince me that THIS is the time that Lex Luthor REALLY becomes evil, I just can't stop watching your horrible show.
Please, just let your series die! It was supposed to end in five seasons, and we're now starting the seventh. I've heard rumblings of a possible eighth season. Don't do that to me, because I'll have no choice but to watch. I can't watch anymore, but for some reason I can't look away. Have mercy on this pathetic Smallville addict. Put your show out of its misery.
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Smallville - like receiving a blowjob and a swift kick to the balls at the same time.
I thought I could leave you in season three, when that guy that everyone thought was Batman but was just a nobody with meteor powers showed up. But the awesomeness that is Lionel Luthor kept me around. Then I thought I could turn on you in season four, when you introduced that lame British woman and her weird son who wanted Lana Lang, who was embodying the spirit of a witch (or something). But then Brainiac showed up and all was forgiven. I thought for sure I could leave in season five when your crappy show was slated to move to the CW the following season, but then General Zod took over Lex's body, burned down half of Metropolis, and trapped Clark in the Phantom Zone. I should have known that you'd eventually disappoint, but you had me at "Kneel before Zod!"
Then Season six was the worst of all. Awesome stuff happened, but the writing was so terrible that it would make one of my English 101 students cry. The season ended with Bizarro showing up! Fucking Bizarro! That's a choice move right there! Unfortunately you screwed the pooch with lines like, "I'm just like you, Clark, only a bit more... bizarre." That's practically Shakespearean guys.
Season seven started two weeks ago, and what character did you add? Was it someone awesome like Darkseid or Metallo? Or how about Green Lantern or Wonder Woman? I'd even take Bibbo; at least he's good for comic relief and some quality trout fishing. No! You added Supergirl! SUPERGIRL!! Am I the only one that remembers the crapfest that was Supergirl: The Movie? That's like using David Spade to boost the ratings of a sitcom. It just doesn't make any damn sense.
But even Supergirl won't keep me away, Smallville. You're like the abusive husband that I can't leave because you showed me love during those first few years. I'll take all the abuse and never report it to Mariska Hargitay. Why just yesterday I watched an episode in which Supergirl enters the Smallville Harvest Festival's beauty pageant, and happens to stop a pair of crazed hotties who have weather-controlling powers. No matter how many different colors of kryptonite you come up with, no matter how many times you change the characterization of Lana Lang, no matter how many times you convince me that THIS is the time that Lex Luthor REALLY becomes evil, I just can't stop watching your horrible show.
Please, just let your series die! It was supposed to end in five seasons, and we're now starting the seventh. I've heard rumblings of a possible eighth season. Don't do that to me, because I'll have no choice but to watch. I can't watch anymore, but for some reason I can't look away. Have mercy on this pathetic Smallville addict. Put your show out of its misery.
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Smallville - like receiving a blowjob and a swift kick to the balls at the same time.
4 comments:
I the hate the you.
batmite is delicate and deserves cupcakes
Now the question is...should I sympathize with your plight, or point and laugh at your misfortune?
Thankfully I was able to get in to Smallville and then forget about it after our year of living together in Erie.
This whole series now sounds painful.
Oh definitely point and laugh at my misfortune. I don't know why I can't look away.
Dave, you got out at a good time.
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