Thursday, October 16, 2008

Space... The First Frontier

Giant Space Amoeba Not Included

All discussions of game shows, politics, job searches, and anything else stops now. Something monumental has occurred! Something that trumps any other blog topics that could be created.

New images from the upcoming Star Trek movie have been released.

"Holy shit! Spock's circumsized??"
Pictured Left to Right: Anton Yelchin (Chekov), Chris Pine (Kirk), Simon Pegg (Scotty), Karl Urban (Bones), John Cho (Sulu), Zoe Saldana (Uhura)
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Directed by J. J. Abrams (Mission Impossible III, and Lost), the new movie, called simply Star Trek, is now in post-production and is scheduled for release in Summer 2009. It was originally scheduled to be released this Christmas, but due to the Writer's Guild Strike a few months ago, it was held back. They've also been REALLY good about keeping plot details and photos a secret. This is quite an impressive feat given how rabid, zealous, and downright persistent obsessed Trekkies can be.

"Take THAT Kelvin!! Long live the Fahrenheit System! 0514 isn't even a real temperature!"

I must admit, I'm a bit skeptical of the new movie. Depending on your level of geek awareness, you may or may not know that ALL of the Star Trek movies and series exist in a single continuity... meaning that everything takes place in the same universe. According to the press releases and interviews that I've seen, this new movie is sort of a reboot, but it still respects the continuity. I have no idea what that means. Leonard Nimoy has a cameo as older Spock somehow, which implies the existence of the oft-seen Star Trek time vortex (or at least a flashback).
DOES MR. SPOCK HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?

This film promises the return of Kirk, Spock, Bones, etc. all of them portrayed by new actors. I'm curious to see how that works out. Long-running film franchises have replaced beloved actors before without a problem. Even recently, a lot of fans didn't think anyone could rival Jack Nicholson's take on the Joker, but Heath Ledger brought the noise. But the Joker, James Bond, and any other number of comic book or literary characters that have been played by multiple actors existed in another medium first; therefore, each actor is interpreting that original concept in his or her own way. But Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock (always Mr. Spock I notice. I wonder how long I could refer to my friends as "Mister" before they slapped me) are characters defined by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy. The old campy episodes are awesome precisely because Shatner hams it up and battles ridiculous creatures.
Unfortunately, this scene is not in the new movie... but it SHOULD be!

I will, of course, be sitting in the theater on opening day with a big geeky grin on my face. Nothing's going to keep me away. I'm just too damn curious and hopeful that this movie might actually be good. Star Trek has been a huge disappointment in the last ten years or so. Star Trek: Voyager was mostly dull and lifeless, and Star Trek: Enterprise had characters with the personalities of dust mites. The last two movies were also rather lackluster. I don't know if this movie will be any better, but the visual style has my attention, and the villian seems rather imposing.
A bald Romulan (Eric Bana) with facial tatoos and a TRIDENT SPEAR! Fucking right!

And for whatever reason, Kirk gets stranded on an ice planet:
And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside!

I'm know full well that the Star Trek universe is ridiculous and sometimes just outright stupid. In the original series, we were introduced to a Nazi planet, a gangster planet, a hippie planet, a Native American planet, and a cowboy world. And let's not forget the space amoeba, the mirror universe, the transporter-created evil doppelganger, the salt vampire, and Harry Mudd. I honestly don't know how people can take Star Trek seriously. It's a damn good show, and I've spent a disturbing number of hours in my life watching it, but it's all good fun. I don't care how ridiculous this new movie is. They're making a movie about a universe with green slave women and machines that can make pie out of thin air. You had me at "Live long and prosper!"
I knew it!! Go-go boots and mini-skirts are TOTALLY making a comeback in the 23rd Century military!

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90% of readers clicked away when they realized what this post was about. The last 10% is simply JP himself clicking on the pictures 100 times each.

12 comments:

contemplator said...

The salt sucker thing was totally awesome. It had me so freaked out at 11 years old, being something of a salt lover myself.

Anonymous said...

No wonder you can't get laid.....

Anonymous said...

The second I saw the pictures of Star Trek, I decided to not read this post.

JP said...

Contemplator: A low-sodium diet makes for a miserable meal. :)

Joe: That's gotta be low on the list of reasons. So many other aspects of my life are full of fail.

The Shit: Your contributions to my stat-counter are much appreciated.

contemplator said...

One wonders what sort of stellar life the shit leads that s/he haunts a blog s/he frequently disses and gets pissy at posts about Star Trek. What, exactly, would the shit like you to post about? Inquiring minds want to know. Maybe you should start "the shit list" and let him/her tell you what posts to come up with.

JP said...

I'm still not convinced that I don't know The Shit in real life. At least I know Aardvark Man exists in another reality. The Shit could still be on our temporal plane.

Anonymous said...

During my internet searchings at work, I found a website that gives you the current value of websites, so me knowing that in previous blog posts you've noted that your dream job would be writing on this blog, I punched in your website to see the value of it. This was the result (.isted below): So the fair market value of your web site is 1200 bucks, and for all your contributions to society from your blog you are worth $1.65/per day of possible income, which equates out to a $602.50 annual salary, the job search should probably continue......

Net Worth : $1204.50
Daily Pageview : 80
Daily Ads Revenue : $1.65

to look for yourself you can check it out at www.websiteoutlook.com

Anonymous said...

Blog about your humorous life. Not about Star Trek. If I wanted a Star Trek blog, I'd find one and read it.

JP said...

I can't divorce myself from my inner Trekkie. A JP divided against itself cannot stand.

Anonymous said...

Or the one.

JP said...

Batmite! You totally just ferreted out a Trekkie!! I told you it would work!

Anonymous said...

Sorry - jumped on this blog via Contemplater.

I'm really excited about this movie. I was raised on ST. The premise sounds interesting and there is a lot to work with. I'm hoping that it's not going to be a time travelling one, as that just irritates. Although , at the same time, we know it all works out well, so I guess they will use the time travel scenario just to create uncertainty on what happens.

Live longer and prosper.