The Greeks saw hubris as the ultimate character flaw. That's why in most Greek tragedies, the hero loses as a result of overconfidence. In Christian mythology, pride is one of the seven deadly sins. A common proverb in the English language is "pride always comes before the fall."Well, I fell like a prom dress at midnight.
I was driving to the IHOP tonight (the excitement that is my life), and I had to pick up Vivek. I get to his house, and the instant I step out of the car, I see that a sherriff's car is right behind me. Now, given the shady area of town that Vivek lives in, I could have assumed that he was there for any number of reasons, but I knew better. I knew that fate was catching up with me.
See, you can't just take on the law and expect everything to work out for the best. Anyone who's been reading this blog knows that I'm going to fight my third speeding ticket. I was feeling really confident about the whole thing too. I thought I was cock of the walk; strutting around, fluffing my plumage and such. The law had nothing on me!! I was invincible.
Until I got nabbed going 50 in a 35. Once more unto the lame speeding tickets, dear friends. This is the third time in a row that I've gotten pulled over for going 15mph over the speed limit, and it's my fourth ticket overall. I never speed on purpose, but somehow it just happens. Am I really the fastest motherfucker in Morgantown? Is my putzy little Escort really tearing up the roadways more than any other vehicle? How can I get two speeding tickets in the span of a month?
I know what you're thinking: Slow down assface! That's a valid assertion, but I'd like to offer a theory. There are no flat roads in Morgantown. Most roads are inclined at 45 degrees or more. These are some steep roads, and that steepness keeps accelerating my car without me realizing it. The last speeding ticket was right after a hill as well. No fool I. These cops are doing this on purpose. They know this as well as I do.
I brought some of this on myself of course. It probably didn't help that I had Officer Jed Clampett pull me over. He seriously got out of his police truck (not car), spit out his chewing tobacco, and said, "Where y'all in a hurry to, sonny?" Since I was parked at Vivek's house, I told him "Visiting a friend." He said, "Who's your friend?" And I said, "Vivek."
Now that's probably where I screwed up again. I should have said, "Bill Johnson," "Dick Goodhart," or "Bob Everyman." A name like "Vivek" certainly won't win me any favors with our tobacky-loving Appalachian friend. At least Vivek stayed inside. I'd probably be in Guantanamo by now if he came out.
Interestingly enough, I got another "I'll cut you a break" cop. He put down 45 in a 35 instead of 50. There's no way I can fight this one. This was a legitimate catch on their part, but I still don't get it. There are hundreds of underage college students drinking on High Street, vandals spraypainting everything they can find, and a sign thief on the loose (which is great, because he probably took the sign on the road I had to videotape). Yet these police have nothing better to do than constantly watch "The Speed Demon" as he commits his random acts of high velocity villainy across Monongalia County.
The Tally So Far
Police: 4 - Justin: 0
No comments:
Post a Comment