Towed and Owned

I was up in Indiana, PA today. Kate and I decided to go for a walk in the park, but we wanted to stop at the dining hall first. So we're driving around looking for a spot with a meter with little success. A block away, we find a parking lot for a strip mall. I see a sign: "For customers only."

How in the world would all of these stores know where each driver went? Besides, we're only going to be inside for a half hour. A half hour, a bowl of gravy-smothered fries, and a Chicken Caesar wrap later, we return to my car.

It's not there.

First thought: I'm an idiot and parked somewhere else. No, I remember this sign.
Second thought: Someone stole my car. No, it's a piece of shit. Who would want it?

Then Kate realizes that my car must have been towed. So we wander around trying to find some information. We're absolutely baffled. How could they have towed my car so quickly? Did they beam it into space? Was my car something out of a Hitchcock film and just went batshit insane and killed pedestrians?

We get the number for the towing company that got the car. Apparently, the woman at a nearby store told us, someone actually watches people park and sees if they go into the businesses there. What kind of shit job is that?

So we're on our way to the towing place. I'm laughing. I think it's hilarious. This is just the icing on my car fine cake. Four speeding tickets and now my car has been towed. I'm glad the world has conspired to keep this evil car maniac in check.

We get to the towing place, and I'm in a good mood. Even when the woman behind the desk tells me that the fine is $100, I'm still chuckling. This obviously catches her attention. She tells me that most people are pissed when they come in. I tell her that I've been owned by the police over minor driving violations many times. I've always suspected that people were watching me. Now I have proof.

So we're talking to this woman at the towing place, and Kate says, "That must be a really boring job. Just sitting there all day watching for people to tow."

And a voice behind us says, "Yea, you guys just walked right past me!"

There he was - the little prick who towed my car. I could have punched him in the face. That might have been cathartic. But then I thought: this is good business. These are pro-active towing people. They don't wait for business to come to them. They go out and get it. I was sort of impressed. The watchman told me that he just sits in the corner deli all day drinking coffee as he waits for potential targets. The cynical nature of the man's job left me in awe. I'm even a bit jealous.

So now I don't just have to be paranoid when I'm driving; I can be paranoid when I'm parking too.

Total amount of money spent on fines so far in my life: appx. $600.