The Morgantown Shuffle

What most of my vacations look like.

This weekend I went to Morgantown for a few days to visit friends and, to some extent, for something different to do. Carousing around Kittanning every day can become somewhat monotonous after awhile. Also, with limited funds and rules against my jumping out of airplanes, I figured that this would be considered something of a vacation... from my job of mowing lawns that I've had for two weeks and my extremely unsuccessful job search.

The only problem with visiting my friends in Morgantown is that they're not all necessarily friends with each other. Batmite came into Morgantown too (which is part of my reason for going when I did), and the two of us are friends with almost 15 people there, and while they're all in the English department and are vaguely aware of each other, they don't hang out in their free time. Most of them are just too damn busy. Batmite and I may have BSed our way through countless books and seminar papers, but many of our friends did things the hard way (i.e. the honorable and honest way), so they tend to have less time for mingling with the entire department.

I've always found this dynamic curious because my friends in Kittanning are all essentially part of a massive supergroup that functions just as well with two or ten people. This is part of the curse and charm of the small town I suppose.

Batmite and I were fairly lackadaisical in planning our rounds to the Morgantown friend circle, and so some people got short shrift (Virgil and A.J. come to mind). With any luck I can make it up to them in future visits or in the form of a boisenberry pie in the mail. We did manage to meet up with quite a few people, and while we didn't do anything astonishingly exciting, it was nice to simply chit-chat and catch up with everyone. I'd also be lying if I said that there wasn't some part of me that was both smug and envious about all of them still going to or teaching at WVU. I'm glad I don't have to take grad classes anymore, but I do miss having that kind of constant interaction in the academic process.

One of the nice things about hanging out with a whole slew of English majors is that it forces me to raise the bar of my verbal sparring. In Kittanning, I like to think that I'm the cleverest sumbitch in the county (though I'm sure my closest friends - who are certainly damned clever in their own ways - will be happy to prove me wrong), but English majors are used to witty banter and sarcastic humor. I enjoy being the big fish in the small verbiage pond of Kittanning, but it's nice to have people to keep you honest. My friends have razor sharp wit that puts mine to shame and aren't afraid to direct it at your well-deserving author. Of course, like the asshole that I am, I take my newfound zingers to the Kittanning bars and lord them over my friends like the pretentious douchebag that I am.

Lest you think Morgantown is some sort of intellectual mecca (though if you've read this blog at all, I don't see how you could come to such a conclusion), I must admit that a healthy chunk of my Friday afternoon was spent at the Morgantown DMV. Batmite needed a valid driver's license, and since West Virginia was his only permanent residence, he had to get it there. I came along as his "ride" because the DMV tends to frown on people *driving* there to take a driving test. Looking at the parade of genetic misfortunes in that building drove home (pardon the pun) just how alike Kittanning and Morgantown really are. I then realized that as a 6'5" 285 lb. man hanging out at the DMV with his short brown hetero-man-friend discussing the intricacies of comic book continuity, I was hardly in a position to judge these people as looking unusual. Except for this toothless old fat woman in tight magenta spandex... I can say with certainty that I'm better than her.

Side Note: Batmite failed his driving test because he can't parallel park (HAR HAR!). I'll let him tell that story on his own blog.

Another fun thing that I learned is that adults love Spongebob Squarepants more than children do. In one of the places I stayed, my friends have a year-old baby, and so the parents watch a lot of children's TV. We all agree that Spongebob is too damned clever for its audience. In fact, there were times when the baby wasn't even in the room that we were still watching the damn show. This didn't come as much of a surprise for me. Batmite and I would watch Spongebob for embarassingly long periods of time in our own apartment. I was just amazed to see how widespread the phenomenon is.

Maybe we English majors aren't as classy as we think. :)

I'll definitely be going back to Morgantown soon, though I'm not sure exactly when. I lead a busy life with my important career, ridiculously hot and rich wife, and mammoth house. But I'm sure I can find some time to scamper down there for a visit.

I'm a man torn between two towns.

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Vacations - Surprisingly more enjoyable (and cheap) when you're going somewhere familiar. The surroundings may not be exciting, but you don't have to spend hours figuring out where to go and what to do.