Final Reflections

The following is an email that I received from my boss today regarding a meeting for all teaching assistants who just taught English 101. For your convenience, I have included translations for those of you who aren't familiar with how the English department works. My comments are in italics.

Hi 101 Instructors,
Greetings Cheap Slave Labor,

The annual year-end 101 reflection will take place from 1:30 to 4 on Monday, May the 7th, in the ballroom at the Lair.
The yearly "kiss your bosses' asses" party will be spread out over two hours so that you can properly tell us how wonderful we all are. Chuck E Cheese required a 10 dollar deposit so we went with the Lair Ballroom. They gave us a discount on our next batch of Vegan cookies.

We ask that you bring along one favorite lesson plan or assignment -- three copies of it.
We realized too late that we don't have enough reflecting to take up 2 and a half hours so we're going to give you some pointless activity to do.

At four, we'll head downstairs to the Side Pocket Pub, which the Lair has agreed to open up just for us.
Nothing says "gratitude" like sub-par University-approved beer that is "graciously" bestowed upon us once the entire student population is gone and these places are hurting for business. If this shit's free, I'll blow a camel.

They will also provide bowling shoes for the willing. There will be pizza.
We really went all out in showing their gratitude with the party that most 12-year-olds dream of.

It's going to be dynamite!
You may actually feel like blowing up the school! -- I can't believe he actually said this. Does he think the English department is going to turn into the set of Good Times?

We hope to see all 2006/2007 101 instructors there.
Your job will be given to a dancing monkey if you don't show up.

Please contact me if you cannot attend.
I will come to your house and cut out your kidneys.

~ Your Immediate Boss
Names withheld to protect the innocent and defend myself against those who like to google their own names.