Serious Business

Where the hell have the updates been? Well, I'm busy, dammit!! I have lesson plans, discipline reports, seating charts, grading, quiz making, PowerPoint producing, porn watching, and reading to do. I can't be dropping everything to amuse a bunch of ingrates from around the interwebs.

....

I kid. I crave your love and attention!!! And look at the funny kitty in the poster. That's worth bundles of yuk-yuks!

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"Don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

A Message to My Loyal Readers

Captain Picard will tell you where you can stick your complaints about the lack of updates.

My student teaching is over. My grad classes are almost over. My brain has almost returned to its normal levels of apathy. Give me a moment to catch my breath, and I promise to return with the yuk-yuks.

And why don't you folks comment more?? Jeez, give me some goddamn positive reinforcement when I'm writing well.

And make a life-sized gold statue of me and mail it in. Is that too much to ask?

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"Ha ha HA!! Mine is an evil laugh... now DIE!"

What Was This Blog About Again?

JP has been otherwise engaged in other activities that have prevented him from updating this blog; however, I have many new ideas for posts including a recent ski trip, some fun in the classroom, and several personality malfunctions that lend themselves to mockery.

Pleas of "For the love of humanity, please stop writing!" will be summarily ignored.

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"The plural form of 'coccyx' is 'coccyges.' "

This is a Faux Update

Updates are forthcoming. I've had homework up the wazoo and drunken revelry to attend to at the State Firemen's Convention (Kittanning Firemen's Band took 2nd place). But I have four posts already in various stages of completion saved as drafts on Blogger and several more ideas floating in my head. For once, I'm not hurting for ideas... just time.

So bear with me, gentle readers, for soon you too can share in my charmingly witty misery.

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"Now hear this, now hear this. This is your Captain speaking. My fine pinioned pirates, we're approaching the tricky buoy! Sharpen your cutlasses! There may be skullduggery ahead!"

My Heart is All Atwitter

I'm now on the TWITTER, bitches!!

That's right. I've expanded my hold on the interweb by moving to its OTHER form of completely worthless communication. You can find me at www.twitter.com/undesirablement. I thought "Undesirablement" would be a cool amalgam of "Undesirable Element"... by which I mean that it meets their 20-character maximum requirement whereas "Undesirable Element" does not. Foiled by linguistics!

I figured I could branch out given how timely and highly viewed my posts are here. Why not give myself something else to do?

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"Where is the chase, and how do I cut to it?"

Why I'm Awesomer Than Virgil

In response to "Why I'm Awesome" by Virgil.

In her most recent blog post and in the comments for my last post, Virgil has been challenging the essence of my being for no honorable reason. Laughing at me, you say? Don't bother with a reply, you say? Well, madam, I shall not take these indignities sitting down. Why, I'll even be standing as I type.

So here is why *I* am awesome... specifically, how I surpass Virgil's awesomeness in every respect that she lists:

1. My child is better than Virgil's child because mine is imaginary. I named him "I Get to Sleep Through the Night and Never Change Diapers or Help with Homework." ... Or "Junior" for short.

2. I am also a writer, but I don't adhere to outmoded colonialist narrative structures that incorporate detail, motivation, and perspective in a dictatorial attempt to destroy more enlightened stylistic forms. While to the untrained eye my writing may seem pedantic, meandering, hackneyed, or plodding, I'm actually subverting the traditional authorial and didactic expectations of a post-structuralist readership. Epic win!

3. The truth is just an excuse for a lack of imagination. I will not insult the creative impulses of my friends, family, or students by giving them a cliched "truth" when a lovingly crafted fabrication stimulates the mind in a far superior manner. And how can I be expected to get anything done without the careful and skillful manipulation of those around me? What you would call manipulation, I call leadership!

4. Backbones can be broken, but spineless folk like me are more flexible and adaptable. The world punishes initiative and gumption but rewards cowardice and a lackadaisical attitude. When a Virgil goes down after challenging someone more powerful than herself, there will be a JP there to suck up to the new boss and earn favors. It's all about the endgame, Ms. Virgil.

5. A toilet can stir shit. I am not impressed. Besides, white males the size of most doorways seldom earn people's sympathy with finesse. When retaliation is required, I bluntly state my case. When that inevitably fails, I utilize my spineless nature to beg forgiveness. Then with all the time I saved, I spend the evening drinking myself silly to forget why I ever wanted to retaliate in the first place. Efficiency, madam, I has it!

6. I'm not just a "pretty good" teacher... I'm an EXCELLENT teacher! Not only have my students labeled me "ballin' out of control" and "better looking than most of the other English TAs," but I effectively prattle on for an entire class period to provide the illusion of an education without ever having to actually instruct about anything useful. It's acute business sense. Sell nothing but earn money-dollars. Coming to my class was like buying a pet rock... looks pretty, but it's fundamentally worthless. Financial cunning, Ms. Virgil. That's what I call it. Just wait until you see the business model for my Thneed company.

7. I am the ultimate man about town... mostly because I never go out. The suspense only whets the appetite of the community. And when I do go out, I also look smashing in a dress or leather pants. And when I drink, there is never want for entertainment, because as long as a karaoke machine is nearby, prepare to be regaled by the finest rendition of "Hungry Like the Wolf" that you've ever heard! Why I can hear those melodious strains now....

It's clear who wins here, Ms. Virgil. JP represents the epitome of humanity! Your attempts to bait me with baseless insults were fruitless.

:)
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"A true victory is to make your enemies see that they were wrong to oppose you in the first place."

Tales of Astounding Nothingness

I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I feel that the quality of my blog posts has been slipping in the last few months. There are likely those among you who feel that there has been no change in quality - that I have sucked since the beginning. That's a valid argument, so I won't disagree. I suppose I could chalk that up to lack of talent, but I prefer a much simpler (and less self-effacing) explanation:

My life is boring.

I sometimes feel like I've run out of stories to tell. Here is a typical day:
7:00 - Alarm goes off
7:30 - JP actually wakes up
8:30 - JP works out for an hour
10:00 - JP goes to work
10:00 - 4:30 - JP spends hours on end typing old sermons into Microsoft Word
5:00 - Dinner
6:00 - 8:00 - Waste time watching TV
8:00 - 9:00 - Make some feeble attempt to work on my online course or perhaps enjoy other sinful pleasures of the internet
9:00 - 10:00 - Either read or watch some other mind-numbing TV
11:00 - 12:00 - Daily Show and Colbert Report
12:00 - Bed
12:00 - 7:00 - Dreams of one day rising to the level of mediocre success

And so it goes. Sometimes if I'm feeling really ambitious, I'll do some writing for the secretive fiction project that I'm working on. (I'm convinced maybe 5 people read this blog anymore, so admitting that won't affect much.) And then there's the Firemen's Band, and while there's plenty of drunken revelry to be had, nothing blog-worthy ever really happens there.

I'm not really bored like I was last summer. I'm just boring. I have plenty of stuff to keep me occupied, but it's the same stuff over and over again. I don't mind the repetition, but a tangential result of my humdrum life is that I have no fun tales of interest to tell in real life or on this blog. When I was teaching, I never knew what sort of bizarre, self-serving, wholly-stupid things my students would get into, so that was always a reliable source of entertainment.

Granted, I could always just repeatedly blog about the strange attitudes of Mr. and Mrs. Employer or the rampant and stupid belief in Ayn Rand's Objectivism that seems to permeate the Firemen's Band, but that could become dull and tedious rather quickly. I've given some consideration to dedicating my time to more fictional posts such as The Once and Future JP, Reader Mail, or my weeks-long Presidential Run. That last one was particularly fun.

Once school starts back up in the fall, I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories about returning to "graduate school" and student teaching. Until then, I have to give some thought to what I want to blog about. Bear with me. The part of your brain that appreciates that perfect blend of high-brow entertainment and poop jokes will thank you.

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"Go to beige alert... and tell my wife I said, 'Hello.'"

Reader Mail 1

Here at The Undesirable Element, I receive countless bags of mail from adoring fans, lusty women, and vengeful but generally eloquent stalkers. I now share with you, my loyal readers, some of the letters that you have so graciously sent.
- - - - -

Dear JP:
Long time reader; first time writer. I'm a huge fan of The Undesirable Element even though it's registered on several terrorist watchlists around the world. Your keen insight and brilliant satire fill me with hope, joy, and unbridled orgasm. Thank you so much for all the fine work that you've done.
Sincerely,
Tucker "Spankbuggy" Willingham

Dear JP:
I strongly suggest that you start believing in Christianity, or my dad is going to come over to your house and kick your fat ass.
Your friend,
Jesus H. Christ

Dear JP:
We regret to inform you that you have violated the terms of your lease, and we ask that you vacate the premises. Not only have you failed to pay rent in nine months, but your pet has repeatedly kept us awake at night with her incessant meowling. Your security deposit will be withheld, and you must find another basement to live in within the next seven days.
Your landlords,
Mom and Dad

Dear JP:
DIE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Your mortal enemy,
Morgan Freeman

Dear JP:
Zik flaggin florp baggle con wiggle waggle. Frak Frak Frak magilla gorilla!
Zounds and Egads,
Aardvark Man

Dear JP:
I would be happy to play you in the movie based on your life. Please send me a script as well as the three cheesecakes you promised. Remember that no less than three women must be topless throughout the entire film.
Sincerely,
Brian Dennehy

Dear JP:
I think you may be the sexiest blogger that I've ever witnessed on the internet. Don't let high insurance premiums bring your sexy blog down. Did you know that Progressive can save you hundreds of dollars by comparing your insurance rates with those of other top companies? Switch to Progressive and not only will you receive top notch insurance, but I will personally come over to your new basement dwelling and arrange a steamy three-way between you, me, and that hot goth girl from NCIS.
Sincerely,
The Oddly Attractive and Bubbly Progressive Insurance Woman

Dear JP:
This mailbag post totally blows a cock and so do you.
Yours truly,
The Shit

Dear JP:
You make me want to be white. If all white people were as cool as you, they never would have been kicked out of India.
Bat-tastically Yours,
Batmite!

Dear Applicant:
We regret to inform you that the position of ANAL LUBRICATION ASSISTANT has been filled. We appreciate your application, and we will keep your resume and candid nude photographs (again, they weren't required or desired for consideration) on file for six months. Please apply to Desperate Enough to Work in the Gay Porno Industry Inc. for any other jobs that may interest you.
Sincerely,
Mr. Dick Wango
Human Resources Manager

Dear JP:
As of midnight tonight, your blog will now be owned and operated by Dante's Virgil LTD. I purchased it from your corrupt investors for the princely sum of three dollars and a pack of Bubble Yum. Consider this proper retribution for your underhanded and tactless election campaign from last October. Your precious blog is now mine, but if you come to your mistress appropriately penitent and properly attired for submission, I may just give you a lowly assistant's position.
Your New Webmistress,
Virgil

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The New Undesirable Dante's Virgil: Knows better than to end blog posts with ridiculous italicized non sequiturs.

Portrait of a Blogger

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

In Blog We Trust

Sweet Infinity Shot

One of the annoyances of not having future plans comes from everyone asking what my dream job would be. Sometimes I'm given this question in the form of a hypothetical: "If money were no object, what would you do for a living?"

It's really a stupid question when you think about it. What ignoramus doesn't consider his or her financial opportunities before launching into a career? But given the constraints of the question, and after considerable thought, I'd have to say that I'd probably write this blog for a living.

Now wait a minute!! You in front of the computer screen laughing derisively and calling a nearby friend, colleague, or roommate to help you mock the delusional blogger. I know you're wondering how I could possibly consider blogging as a career when I post on an average of twice a week. (Check the menu on the right-hand side. Almost every month has eight or nine posts... August is a notable weak spot.) Well, I don't actually think I could do this for a living. But we're talking about the hypothetical question, remember?

I sometimes think about the future of this blog. After all, the thing has been up and around for over two years now. As far as I can tell, my readership hovers somewhere between 20 and 30 regular readers, and I know just about every one of you in real life. Of all the people who regularly comment on my blog, only "The Shit" and "Aardvark Man" stand out as being people I can't readily identify. Naturally, the only two outsiders who read my blog are a hostile agitator who berates me once a fortnight and a deranged lunatic who escaped from Dr. Seuss's brain while he was using acid (Yark Yark Yark Snork Flargle Bizpin Gagplorp).

I do get occasional comments from other people that I don't know, and with one or two exceptions, they're all offended or disgusted by what I've written. For instance, I have a comment under "The Stormin' Mormon, Part 1: The Story of Joe" that calls my fact-checking into question and implies that I'm obsessed with my former religion. In a comment for "An Apology to Dora and Diego," an angry reader indicates that I'm an ignorant bigot. In "Thus Sayeth The Douchebag," I've already commented on some guy who claims that I'm a juvenile grad student.

A few days ago, I was checking the comments on some old posts, and I discovered three new comments under a post I'd completely forgotten about: "Have Carrot - Will Travel." In that post, I mocked an article from the WVU student newspaper about these two hippies who were making a cross-country trip in their vegetable-powered bus. I made fun of their dirty clothes, their parentage, and maybe (just maybe) made passing reference to the woman being a slut. Well I'll be damned if the woman from the photograph didn't find that post. There's a comment from an "OhSoFunny" that berates me for being an ignorant chauvanist. This commenter identifies herself as the woman in the picture, and she didn't appreciate me belittling their veggie-bussing lifestyle. Two days later, a friend of theirs posted another comment. This one said, "I really think you should stay in West Virginia where prejudice is common and accepted because those kind of thoughts in a 'liberal' society (such as San Francisco) aren't tolerated. You are a close-minded redneck and judging you on your words I think that you should go watch Nascar and eat some KFC and maybe chew some tobacci..." Granted, this was not one of my better posts; it was pretty much just a cliche-filled rant about hippies. And it may have been rather mean-spirited. AND I may have made some passing reference to the woman's boobs and implied lascivious behavior on her part. But dammit, I had to defend my post. If there's something wrong with eating some KFC, then I don't want to be right. You can read my reply here (scroll to the bottom).

I may sound proud of all of this, but I'm kinda upset that I actually offended someone. It's much easier to mercilessly belittle a person when they have no idea that you're doing it. Of course, my identity still remains gorgeously anonymous, so I'm not losing much sleep over it. :)

Clearly I'm not inspiring a swarm of outside fans though. I visit other blogs and see hundreds of comments with contributions like "You hit the nail on the head with that one!" "You are such a great writer!" or "If I see you in real life, I'll give you a blowjob" from completely random people. I know my friends and family like what I write, but I'm clearly not capable of bringing in enough people to make actual money-dollars from this blog.

And I'm not terribly surprised given the content. The blogs that receive the repeat viewings all have a theme. You can find blogs about politics, religion, comic books, movies, specific TV shows, bands, education, naked people, toilets, dryer lint, tequilla, sports, and guys named Frank. My blog can't be categorized. I blog about whatever comes to mind, and while that creates a nice variety, that's not what sells. Being successful on the internet means being able to link your blog to other similar websites. I'm not the authority on any topic. I'm a jack of all topics but master of none.

But I rather like it that way. I like being able to jump onto Blogger to rant and rave about the latest bit of minutae to slip through my brain. If I want to bitch out my landlord, I can do that. If I want to put down the entire political process, no one can stop me. If I want to do a breakdown of movies like "Deathbed" or "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," no censor will change my words. If I have a bug up my ass about automatic hand dryers, this blog will act as the exterminator. The fact that ANYONE reads my blog makes me happy - even if those who read it think that I'm a close-minded, chauvanistic, redneck asshole.

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9 out of 10 readers have now realized that they actually are NINE out of a total of TEN readers.

The Cynic's Manifesto

Would you really trust this man's opinion?

So as I was perusing some of my usual blogs as well as those of some other people, I noticed that a lot of people are much more forthcoming about themselves. Instead of cryptic comments that are interlaced with trivial tales that are often posted on the flimsiest of pretenses, other bloggers actually post about worthwhile topics about issues that are important to them. So for something completely different, I thought I'd actually have a go at giving a few insights into how I actually think, with a limited amount of bullshittery involved.

This also serves as a much belated response to Virgil's tag regarding eight things you didn't know about me. These aren't necessarily secrets, and some of these may have been hinted at in previous posts, but I like to think that I'm secretive enough (or at least sarcastically humorous enough) to keep people from knowing this stuff legitimately.

Enjoy this peek into my brain:

1. I'm kinda racist. I thought I'd start with that one just to make everyone comfortable. I'm not intentionally so, and I don't have any personal resentment toward minorities, but I know that I make a lot of rash assumptions about people based solely on the color of their skin. I've also laughed at racist jokes as some of them have clever wordplay. I try very hard to work through these things, but Kittanning is extremely white, so part of it is simply a lack of experience and/or knowledge (Penn State Erie and WVU aren't particularly diverse either... though I am living with a guy from India. He's my personal tolerance street cred :) Sometimes I don't even know what to do. Is it racist that I'm afraid to go through the black neighborhoods in Pittsburgh at night even though I know about the historical, cultural, and economic situations (often instigated by whites) that led to urban crime? I'm certainly not as racist as some people I know (and in fact I get really angry when people make serious racist statements), but I don't think a comparative scale works too well to exonerate me on this.

2. Related to the previous point, I'm not all that willing to defend my point of view in public settings. I'm not a particularly charismatic arguer if I'm not prepared, and I'm seldom prepared for most debates. Even when I think I'm prepared, I'll be properly schooled by those who have actually done legitimate research (re: the prosecutor from Morgantown). I can own anyone's ass in blog form (except maybe Virgil), but in real life, I'm fucking useless.

3. I'm politically apathetic. It's not that I don't care about political issues, but I have issues with both political parties. Republicans are far too religious and close-minded. Democrats are wishy-washy and unwilling to upset people. If I had to choose a candidate for the 2008 election right now, I'd probably pick Barack Obama. He seems like a decent guy. Hillary Clinton irritates me for some reason; she gives the appearance of being insincere.

4. This one's not news to anyone: I'm an atheist. I have no ill will towards churches. They do a lot of good sometimes, and I think a lot of people simply take comfort in the regularity of the church service and the chance to talk to someone about spiritual/personal/psychological matters (i.e. the priest). But I certainly don't think that there's an invisible man up in the sky who gives a shit about what I'm doing. Even if there is, I don't like the idea of any religion telling me what I can and cannot do in order to please the invisible man.

5. I don't always listen when people are talking to me even when it looks like I am. If I may brag for a moment, I look like I am a PHENOMENAL listener. I make eye contact, nod at the appropriate places, and give encouraging feedback. But in my head, I'm sometimes not even aware that you're in the room. Or (as with a lot of English majors) I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next without even worrying about what I'm replying to. I can be a self-centered prick.

6. I'm much taller than most women. As a result, I can stare at cleavage and enjoy the view while the unsuspecting woman thinks I'm looking her right in the eye. I respect women and believe in women's rights and equality... but I also like boobies. :) [Always fun to make my mom uncomfortable now that I know that she reads my blog.]

7. I've never been on an airplane, and I would really like to go somewhere that would warrant getting on one. The farthest from home that I've ever been was a trip to Florida during my senior Spring Break in college. I'd never seen a palm tree in real life before. I'd never gone swimming in the ocean before that. There are so many places that I'd like to go that I've only read about. At this point, I don't even think I'd care about the destination. Nebraska would be interesting to me.

8. Much as I hate grad school anymore, and as much as I don't care about any of the readings that I'm assigned, I feel really guilty about not doing the homework. I feel even worse that I never get caught. Everyone else does the work, and they get the same reward I get: a Master's Degree in English. I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to look at that degree when I have it and be able to feel like I deserve it. While I've never cheated on papers or in completing the assignments that are turned in, and even when I don't do the work, I'm still constantly worrying about it. I also worry that I'll always be caught (even though I never am). I'm convinced my current Drama professor is on to me, but thus far, I've been able to keep my head above water.

So there you have it, fair readers - a serious look at the man behind the moniker "JP." Those of you looking for lighter fare will have to wait. I actually have a few good ideas rolling around in my head, so fear not. My serious emotions will be put back into their little bottle and hidden behind a curtain of cynicism and apathy where they can safely grow into a cancerous tumor or a serious mental condition.

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JP: Expecting conversations with his female friends to be more complex now that they know that he's probably not listening to them and/or staring at their cleavage.

Today is a Good Day for Updates

Quit bitching about a lack of updates, or Lieutenant Worf will fuck your shit up.

I know it's been 10 days since my last update... and it was about sports. Fuck that noise. I'll get back on track here soon. Life just tends to get pretty damn monotonous during the spring semester. I don't want to blog about the English department every goddamn day.

Be patient, readers. My brilliance should not be allowed to stagnate.

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Lieutenant Worf - The new online bouncer for The Undesirable Element. He will put the Klingon kabosh on dissenters, complainers, trollers, and Jem'Hadar Stormtroopers. You don't fuck with Lieutenant Worf and then expect to live with your reproductive organs intact.

Where Have All the Updates Gone?

"I say, shopkeep! I demand blogging updates from The Undesirable Element.... Oh, and I'll take a pair of knickers, please."

It's been over a week since my last update, and I don't really have anything to blog about. My students have been frightfully boring. It's been too cold to go down to the rail trail. I haven't even seen any laughably bad movies. I do have two really weird classes that I'm taking, but they're so batshit crazy that it seems almost pointless to blog about them.

Well, you already know about the Sodomy/Pedophilia/Prostitution/Rape class. The latest session was actually boring somehow up until the final 20 minutes. At the end of class, the professor talked about how a hair fetish is a symbol of a fear of castration. I've read my fair share of Freud, and I don't really remember that little tidbit. Somehow, cutting off someone's hair is equated with cutting off a guy's junk. He said this, and then ran his hand slowly through his own hair. Does that qualify as touching one's self inappropriately?

All I know is that I hesitate to go to my barber now. On the plus side, one of the readings for next week is called: "Man of Pleasure's Kalender for the Year 1793 containing The Histories and Curious Anecdotes of the Most Celebrated Ladies now on the Town or in Keeping and also Many of their Keepers." It's essentially a bunch of stories about prostitutes and their pimps.

The other class is bizarre too. It's a class about drama and performance art. Last week we discussed the performance of a woman who invites people up on stage to examine her nude body with a speculum. Next week, we're going to be talking about a woman who has plastic surgery done on her in order to make some sort of artistic statement about Western standards of beauty. Check this one out.

I'm glad my parents don't pay for my tuition anymore. I have no way of explaining any of this as legitimate.

(I had no intention of this being a legitimate blog post. I was just going to stall for time by explaining that I didn't have anything to write about, but then I just disproved my own point. Just goes to show that two classes about sex and nudity can keep my attention for awhile.)

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Sodomy Books and Artistic Cavity Searches: You can learn it, but you can't un-learn it.

Customization Fascination

Bob Kelso replies to complaints about substantive updates

In the last six hours, I've altered the appearance of this blog at least four times. I stumbled across Blogger's "Template Customization" feature, and it's proven to be quite the time waster. Between this and the Law & Order: Criminal Intent marathon that was on this evening, I managed to completely avoid my work. Thank you Blogger!

I'm not convinced that this the final format, so I may change it again. Give me the power to change colors, fonts, and shapes, and I'll be a happy little tech-savvy procrastinator for quite some time. I really like the color scheme right now - very Superman-esque. I'll see what else I can play with.

It's not your enjoyment I'm worried about; this is just the four year old in me that's fascinated with pretty colors.

UPDATE: Yep, I changed it about five minutes after I initially posted this... God damn, I need to get laid.

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Customization Features - Endorsing style over substance for the last ten years.

The Man-Ape Demands Updates!

Do you really want to fuck with a gun-wielding man-ape who is using his English degree to plot global domination? I know I don't. Updates are coming soon.

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Posting an update about delayed updates caused three readers' heads to explode.

Thus Sayeth the Douchebag

I finally got some hate mail.

The following was posted in February as a comment to the blog post titled "Giving Thanks," which I wrote in Late November. I just now noticed it.

"If you feel that negative about the State and people of West Virginia, you should do both a favor and move on. No doubt your negative attitude is impacting your sub-standard performance and overall duties to your students. Your juvenile comments indicate you're probably only a graduate student anyway - no loss." -- Anonymous

I've never gotten real solid criticism about my writing, much less criticism about my very status as a human being. I actually feel some small measure of accomplishment in being able to provoke such a reaction from a reader (and apparently a citizen of the Mountain State).

Of course what Huckleberry fails to realize is that I've already decided to move on (as in out of the state), but that's not for another year. In the meantime, there's so much to laugh at and so little time. Besides, it's nothing against West Virginia specifically. I'd make fun of anywhere I lived. I can't help it if this state just makes it so damn easy.

I almost love this man for his scorn for grad students. What the poor bastard doesn't realize is that being a grad student brings with it a kind of self-hatred that he can't even fathom.

Hats off to you, Slappy! You've made a worthless grad student proud!!


The Anonymous Posting Feature: Allowing dullards and douchebags to argue without worrying about actually defending their positions since Donahue went off the air.

Blog-verse Beware!

That's right Weberica! I've joined the Blogging world. Not content with the confines of an AIM profile, I've decided that my rantings and ravings require a more expansive venue. I'm not sure what I'll post yet. Maybe I'll dig up some old rants and save them here for posterity's sake. Maybe I'll just start berating my students and professors. That could lead to interesting outcomes. I'll just have to wait and see. Either way, it should be entertaining.

See you when I have something interesting to write.