I saw a commercial today for the new movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and I thought to myself, "This must be the most ridiculous live-action movie that anyone has ever made. I can't believe that any actor would agree to be in it." Having nothing better to contemplate, my mind started to question that statement by recalling quite a list of terrible live-action movies that I had seen as a child.I honestly think that any of these movies could give Beverly Hills Chihuahua a run for its money. And I only considered live-action movies because actors actually have to risk ruining their reputations by appearing onscreen. Nobody gives a shit if Dom DeLuise voiced the fat orange cat in Fievel Goes West, but I guarantee that Sarah Jessica Parker gets grief for starring as the "sexy witch" in Hocus Pocus. I'd like to know how you'd all rate these movies... from best to worst. Is there a worse one that isn't on the list? Is there a personal gem on this list that's not getting the respect that it deserves?
I have provided the primary actors for each one because I think it adds a little something. Some of them dropped completely off the Hollywood radar and see their movie as a pinnacle of achievement while others used these masterpieces as a springboard to stardom.
THE WORST LIVE-ACTION MOVIES THAT I SAW AS A CHILD:
Dunston Checks In (Jason Alexander and Faye Dunaway)
Operation Dumbo Drop (Danny Glover, Ray Liota, Denis Leary, and Doug E. Doug)
Angels in the Outfield (Danny Glover, Tony Danza, and Christopher Lloyd)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (the one where they go back in time) (Elias Koteas)
Blank Check (Brian Bonsall and Miguel Ferrer)
That Darn Cat (Christina Ricci and Doug E. Doug)
Casper (Christina Ricci and Bill Pullman)
Flubber (Robin Williams)
Air Bud (Kevin Zegers and Buddy the Dog)
Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (Voices of Don Ameche, Sally Field, and Michael J. Fox)
Flight of the Navigator (Joey Cramer, Sarah Jessica Parker, and the voice of Paul Ruebens)
Ernest Goes to Jail (the only one of the series that I've seen) (Jim Varney)
Hocus Pocus (Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy)
3 Ninjas (Michael Treanor, Max Elliott Slade, Chad Power, and Victor Wong)
The Mighty Ducks (Emilio Estevez.... 'nuff said)
I have to feel bad for Sarah Jessica Parker, Doug E. Doug, Christina Ricci, and Danny Glover. They actually have the distinction of being in more than one of these cinematic abortions.
I await your rankings.
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3 out of 4 readers feel that JP just raped their childhoods. The last reader would simply classify it as "inappropriate touching."
5 comments:
Moo Goo Gai Pan
Yark!
That Darn Cat for the win!
I take exception to the inclusion of the:
Mighty Ducks
Operation Dumbo Drop
Homeward Bound
which I believe are all quality children films...
I believe you could however include the Neverending Story Parts 1-3
I also disagree with the inclusion of Mighty Ducks. The original MD was pretty damn good, then it went down hill from there.
Also disagreed on:
Angels in the Outfield
*ANY* 'Ernest' movie (they all rock way WAY harder than Santa Claus Conquers the Martians)
I'm glad to see Rookie of the Year didn't make the list. That movie is rock solid.
You're both confusing your own nostalgia for the actual quality of the film. I call bullshit.
Angels in the Outfield is a terrible movie. It was just on TBS a few months ago, and I couldn't sleep so I watched it. Tony Danza is in it!! WTF?? And Jesus is a baseball fan?? Most baseball fans aren't even baseball fans!! Fuck that movie.
And The Mighty Ducks is not a legitimately good movie. It's shmaltzy and over-the-top. The only saving grace is that is has the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2 is in it ("Diplomatic Immunity!!")
I'm not saying these movies aren't fun to watch when you're a kid, but they're damned embarrassing in retrospect. I watched "3 Ninjas" as a kid and it was the everything for me. I wanted to have a kung-fu grandpa to teach me how to battle evil surfer intruders in my suburban home. That doesn't make it good.
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