The Measure of Success

In all of my many exploits, I forgot to mention my one glowing achievement of the last month.

I hit my goal. I made the weight requirement for jumping out of an airplane. I now weigh 229 pounds. That's one pound under the maximum weight limit for skydiving.

Granted, that's only a loss of 3 pounds in the last four months, but I don't care. I couldn't get over that 232 hump for the longest time, and now I have. Also granted, that may in fact be a loss of muscle mass since I haven't been lifting as regularly, but I don't care about that either. The number itself is so incredibly satisfying that I'll now celebrate with a ridiculously dark beer and a plate of hot wings.

Now I have to face the prospect of actually diving out of an airplane. I was feeling pretty good about it until a friend told me about her experience walking through a park and witnessing some poor shmuck splattering into the ground after a failed skydiving experience. She was the first to get to him and saw the mangled slurry of human remains that were left over. Now, I'm sure 99.9% of jumps work out just fine, and as a white, heterosexual male between the ages of 18 and 45, I should happily expect to keep my place in the majority; however, the image she painted was insanely graphic and detailed.

Also, I'm a coward who couldn't make it up a ski lift without tensing every muscle in his body. The only saving grace might be that I'd be strapped to a professional who won't allow me to chicken out. My masculinity may be shredded to pieces, but leaping out of a plane might restore some of my dignity...

unless I piss my pants on the way down.

Of course, this is all academic. I want to lose a few more pounds before I go. I don't want to be be plummeting to my doom just because I ate a heavy breakfast that morning. Also, I may still be too tall to go. I'm going to have to find out if the skydiving place has any height requirements too. That would just about kill the adventure.

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"This is the greatest thrill of my life. I'm the king of the world!! I'm.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"