Able to Jump the Shark in a Single Bound

There's a term in television called "jumping the shark." This refers to the moment when a show has hit its peak, and it's all downhill from there. The term comes from an episode of Happy Days in which Fonzie goes water skiing and jumps over a shark. Apparently, Happy Days had a dramatic decline in quality since that episode, but the creators had the decency to pull the plug on the show not long after that.

Smallville jumped the shark long ago, but its creators continue to taunt the shark with juicy morsels year after year. They simply won't let this show die. Last year, I managed to cut myself off of Smallville. I stuck it out for seven long years, but I finally decided one day that I couldn't watch that drivel anymore. I thought the show was really good in its first three years, but then it gradually slid into a mindless abyss of bizarre character behavior and non-stop superpowered villains-of-the-week. However, I'd invested so much time into the show that I felt obligated to see it through to the end. I thought it couldn't possibly last beyond a seventh season.

I was wrong. The show is currently in its eighth season, and there's talk of there being a ninth.

For the longest time, I couldn't understand who was keeping this show alive. I thought I was one of the few masochistic viewers clinging to this show out of sheer will. Then I visited a Star Trek message board (as if anyone reading this is surprised), and I came upon the following exchange regarding Smallville:

KIRKALICIOUS: "How in the fuck is this show not cancelled yet?"

SPOCK4PREZ: "Because it is one of the best shows ever on TV. BSG and LOST may be superior but Smallville was and always will be greatness at its best. It is the show that The Adventures of Superman (1950s), Lois & Clark and Superboy and even the bigscreen features wanted to be. It is the very incarnation of the myth...

"Honestly, I hope it'll never stop. After nine years of Smallville let's go on with another ten years of Metropolis...suit and flight provided, of course.

"Smallville is the reason I became insterested in comic book adaptations in the first place! It is far superior to any Marvel movies..."

WORF-DWARF: "My god. Never did I think that words could actually give me a stroke. But bravo you've found away."

(Names changed to protect the shamelessly nerdy, though I'm sorry to say that none of them is me.)

I now imagine that everyone still watching the show is just like SPOCK4PREZ. Of course, I go to the same message boards as these fruit cakes, so I'm hardly in a position to judge. Though it says something that people who masturbate to the footage of Kirk fighting the Gorn are giving this man grief for having no taste.

I browse the Smallville entry on Wikipedia every once in awhile just see what new lows the show has sunk to, and the show never fails to disappoint. Just about every major character has left the show. Clark Kent and Chloe are still there, but Lex and Lionel Luthor are both gone as are Clark's parents and Lana Lang. Lex Luthor was the best character on the show. That should have been their cue to end it right there.

But no, they just keep going. Even though I no longer watch the show, I have a morbid fascination with its progress. I'm definitely going to watch the series finale (if they ever decide to let this abortion of a show die) just to see how they decide to end it all. I like to think they had some idea of how they'd transition to Clark being Superman, but knowing this show, it probably has something to do with some emo kid discovering he has the power to control wasps and using them to sting Clark until he becomes Superman. Smallville is already bringing in the Legion of Superheroes and Zatanna for a wacky plot or two, and if you don't know who either of those are, just nod politely and walk away now.

I'll end now with a partial list of the moments given on "jumptheshark.com" that first indicated Smallville's downfall. I think you'll get the idea:

1,937 Votes: Too much fawning over Lana
1,420 Votes: Never Jumped (at least this many people think the show is still in its prime, or SPOCK4PREZ has voted that many times)
687 Votes: Lana, Lois, and Chloe become witches
179 Votes: Lana is pregnant with Lex's baby
89 Votes: Krypto the Super Dog
60 Votes: Aquaman
47 Votes: Singing the Dukes of Hazzard Theme
40 Votes: Chloe survives a mob hit
18 Votes: Matricide

Yes, that's right. Matricide!

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Star Trek Fans: Lording their good taste and superior skills with women over the Smallville fans since 2004.