The Pitt and the Pendulum

Well, I've finally made some actual measurable headway on something in my life, and it's certainly not in my commitment to timely blog posts. I've been accepted into the University of Pittsburgh teacher certification program. I'm certain that your applause and accolades are overwhelming. Due to my disastrously futile attempts to sneak into the corporate world, something else needed to be done. I couldn't just sit idly by sending off one resume after another just to hear nothing back in return. I can now mark August 19th on my calendar as "The Day My Life Resumes."

The beauty of this program is that the classes I'd take are all graduate level; therefore, should I ever want to go back to get my Masters in Education, I'd already have a year's worth of graduate credits under my belt. On the downside, this means that I'll once again be doing the grad school grind, but after a year of complete mental indolence, I'm actually looking forward to it. Spending my days copying church bulletins while living with my parents in my culturally vacuous town has been giving me the distinct (and rather unpleasant) feeling of having a stagnant life. A lot of my friends are building credit, buying houses, getting married, planning future investments, and generally doing quite well in establishing their lives. Much as I'm loathe to paraphrase a guy who used to be part of the 80s Aussie group Men at Work, but I'm truly waiting for my real life to begin.

Even Batmite, who doesn't have a job either, at least gets to have interesting adventures where he wrecks his car and profits from it, has brunch with a U.S. senator, wanders the streets of Manhattan drunk with no money, spends several nights in the Manhattan penthouse of a stranger, misses out on an orgy, and steals video games from grade schoolers. Quit bitching about your life, Batmite. They call these moments "character building."

Of course, my reemerging interest in education doesn't come without its problems. University administration is still a complete pain in the ass. After six years of schooling, two of which were spent actually teaching (though my students might argue otherwise), you would think that I'd be almost over-qualified for this certification program. In some respects, that's entirely true, but I discovered that I actually haven't fulfilled one of their prerequisites: Social and Cultural Foundations of Education. Fortunately, one of the nice gravelly-voiced old women in the education department was receptive to my polite diatribe about my financial constraints, and she recommended that I take the class at the Community College of Allegheny County (CCAC) over the summer and transfer the credits to Pitt.

CCAC, for those who don't know, is not exactly known for its rigorous academic standards, and the class they want me to take is an introductory course in education. I've taken two upper-level undergraduate courses in education and a graduate level course in composition pedagogy in addition to already having actual teaching experience, but just because I haven't had a course that deals with the history of education, I have to take a freshman-level education course to show that I understand what it means to be a teacher. This is administrative bullshit that almost rivals Batmite's inability to meet WVU's language requirement despite being fluent in three languages. At least the class is offered online so that I don't actually have to meet the charming little snowflakes who will be in my class.

The overwhelming burden of education (the profession not the tediously boring classes) sometimes makes me question my decision to become a teacher. I find myself frequently bouncing back and forth between my lifelong desire to teach and my innate sense of self-preservation that's encouraging me to flee from that career track as quickly as possible. (Hence the "pendulum" reference in the title.) But when it comes right down to it, while I'd like to have had the opportunity to try a job in the private sector, I have no qualms about becoming a teacher. I think I'd be a very good high school teacher, and not to sound immodest (even though I'm totally gloating about it internally), I know that the education system would be better with me in it. There are too many stupid and lazy teachers in high schools as it is. While I'll certainly continue the tradition of laziness, I can at least be an English teacher of above-average intelligence. Maybe some kids will actually learn to read and write with me in charge.

Granted, they'll probably learn to read Mein Kampf and write threatening notes to faculty, but they have to start somewhere.

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Nine out of ten readers are getting sterilized as we speak to prevent JP from warping their future progeny. The last reader is Batmite who is looking to stab JP for making fun of him in this post... but he'll never find me for I have fled to Earth-616.