I'M DONE, BITCHES!!That's all she wrote. Grad school is over! Two long grueling years of writing papers, teaching apathetic students, being an apathetic student, and running out of money faster than I'd care to admit has led me to this final day!!!
It's oddly anticlimactic.
Maybe my expectations were a little high. Was it too much to expect the heavens to open up, bright light beams to shoot out of the sky, a big smiling sun to appear, and the song "You're the Best" from The Karate Kid to start playing out of nowhere? I think not. The ticker-tape parade down High Street might have been optional, but I at least wanted ten topless cheerleaders bouncing in support of my sheer awesomeness.
Instead, I wandered into the office, turned in my final paper, turned in my final grades, cleared out my office, and turned in my keys with no fanfare. To be fair, no one was really there. By the end of finals week, anyone who can clear out, will clear out. I met up with Batmite and A.J. for lunch, but that was about it. I went quietly into that good night.
I think everyone is just fucking exhausted. The other MAs seem completely abused by life as well. It's like we all just came out of a cave, and we're seeing the light and going, "What the??... what's going on? Where am I? Did I just eat my body weight in cupcakes?"
For awhile there I was planning to go to graduation, but it doesn't really seem worth it. Only one other graduating MA is going, and my parents didn't seem all that enthused about it. It seemed like more of a hassle than anything else. I'll take my mail-delivered Master of Arts in English from West Virginia University and proudly throw it on a shelf somewhere.
As for the future... who the hell knows. Today is the first day of a completely empty undefined length of time. I'll be spending most of my time in Kittanning, since it's cheaper there, but I'm hoping to visit my friends in Morgantown several times over the summer. Despite all the grief I give grad school, I'll miss the friends I've made here. Shared misery and despair creates good friendships. I'm still hoping to see just about everyone throughout the summer and maybe even beyond, but it'll never really be the same.
On the plus side, we did get to have a rocking 80s party last night as a send-off. It wasn't really designed for my own benefit, so the personal fanfare wasn't there, but it was still fun. I got to see everyone one last time. I'll have pictures and more details about the party in an upcoming post.
Hopefully my blog posts won't suffer from this severe drop in stress and misery. I'll definitely have more time on my hands in which to post. I'll get to witness firsthand the lackadaisical life of an unemployed single man. I get to watch Law & Order reruns and Netflix movies to my heart's content... at least until my parents get sick of my existence as a household parasite and force me to get a temp job.
The grad school stage is complete. Time to enter the job world. I'll no longer be able to blame grad school for the failures of my life. "Hey JP, why don't you have life goals?" "Hey JP, why don't you have a girlfriend?" "Hey JP, why don't you lose weight?" "Hey JP, why were you raping that rhesus monkey?"
Grad school can only provide excuses for so long.
Thanks for following along with my grad school rants everyone. But fear not! Rants about summer boredom, job interviews, and a probable crappy job are surely forthcoming. I'll miss parts of grad school, but cynicism, sarcasm, and snarky comments can find a home just about anywhere. Look out job market! Here comes JP!!
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Unemployment: Proving to be the comfortable status of graduating English grad students ever since Homer gave up his profitable career as an Ithacan cheesemonger to write some stories about a man killing a cyclops.
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