Cat Scratch Fever

I've been thinking about getting a cat. I haven't thought this through in any legitimate way, but I live alone, and my glorious pad gets rather dull sometimes. Perhaps a feline friend would liven things up from time to time.

Now don't get me wrong; I'm a big fan of dogs, but I think a cat suits me better. A cat and I would have a lot more in common. Allow me to elaborate:

Cats and I both nap often throughout the day.

We both eat excessive amounts of food.

We're both easily entertained by a ball of fluff floating in the air.

We both do stupid shit (falling off the couch, running into glass doors, tracking litter out of the box, etc.) and then act like nothing happened.

We both glare at people from dark spaces.

We both hiss at assholes who come in the door.

We both enjoy a good belly rub and purr when comfortable.

We both have fur on our ass.

Another thing cats have going for them is that they are a lot more independent than dogs. You can dump a trough-load of food into a bucket and leave for a week. The cat doesn't give a shit. The instant you walk out the door, the cat says "Finally, the asshole's gone!" and then tokes up on catnip.

A cat at any age is good too. Kittens are great because they're so damn stupid. You can trick a kitten into attacking its reflection in a mirror or chasing its own tail. Seriously, they're not that bright. Old cats are just as much fun. They start to go blind and deaf, so they pretty much turn into the feline equivalent of a schizophrenic hobo. They jump five feet if you switch on the light without warning. They also get really set in their ways, so you can screw with them very easily. If the cat always jumps from the chair to the windowsill, move the chair six inches forward. That fucker may claw your eyes out, but it's worth the entertainment.

So I may get a cat. The only problem is having to deal with the furry fuck if I ever go home for an extended time. My neighbors already see me as a nuissance. They'd probably have my head for leaving a meowing cat in my apartment. Who am I kidding? I can barely keep myself alive here let alone trying to provide for another life form. Those things live for like 20 years too. That's a pretty big commitment. Most marriages don't last that long.

On the other hand, chicks really go for kittens...