Sonic has found a better way to navigate the roads in MorgantownI'm officially afraid to drive in West Virginia.
It wasn't bad enough that the cops seem to have a vendetta against me. It's even not enough that I have to be careful not to run over wild chickens or other random farm animals as I'm driving down country roads. No, the real fun has come in the last month with the onset of winter.
I spent four years going to school in Erie, Pennsylvania. That place is second only to Buffalo in terms of bad winters. Christ, there were times that the roads were so bad I thought I'd have to sell my body to the sasquatch woman down the hall just to get food. Typically I'd simply avoid driving if the weather was bad; living on campus had certain benefits. Every once in awhile, however, I'd be stuck in my car during a snowstorm.
Now I don't think I've discussed my primary mode of transportation on here. My car is a 1999 Ford Escort. I'm not much of a mechanic, but let's just say that it's not exactly the ideal car for snow travel. The thing has about the same weight as frizbee. Hell, when I sit in it, that probably increases its weight by about 50%. My point is that the thing slides around on ice very easily. But in Erie, those fuckers knew how to handle roads (Penn State was another matter, but let's not go there). The people in charge of Erie get those roads cleared after anything short of an iceberg rolling through town. And even if you do run into trouble, worst case scenerio is that you slide into a ditch.
Now let's talk about Morgantown. The roads here were designed by Dr. Seuss on an acid trip. Either that, or the town designers just took the existing paths that were made by mountain goats and paved them. "If it's good enough for Bessie, it's good enough for mah truck!" Professional contortionists can't have sex at the angles that these roads were built at.
And to top it off, at the bottom of most of these hills is some form of peril. In town, several steep side streets drop right into the river!! Seriously! The roads end in boat launches that aren't blocked or anything. On the outskirts of town (where I live), the bottoms of these slopes end in sharp curves with a 300 foot drop waiting for those who can't make it. The only thing standing between your sliding vehicle and a very interesting off-road experience is a government-issue guard rail. Think of Wile E. Coyote's worst nightmare.
The best road I saw had one of these perilous curves, and at the critical point where the road turns to avoid the nasty cliff, the guard rail has been completely knocked out. In its place are two small road cones. ROAD CONES! Thank you Morgantown. If my car is sliding out of control to my doom, I'll make sure the Winter Warlock takes note of your road cones and pilots my car toward a safer locale.
I suppose if my car plummets to the depths of a chasm, at least the firey wreckage will keep me warm until my timely demise.
It wasn't bad enough that the cops seem to have a vendetta against me. It's even not enough that I have to be careful not to run over wild chickens or other random farm animals as I'm driving down country roads. No, the real fun has come in the last month with the onset of winter.
I spent four years going to school in Erie, Pennsylvania. That place is second only to Buffalo in terms of bad winters. Christ, there were times that the roads were so bad I thought I'd have to sell my body to the sasquatch woman down the hall just to get food. Typically I'd simply avoid driving if the weather was bad; living on campus had certain benefits. Every once in awhile, however, I'd be stuck in my car during a snowstorm.
Now I don't think I've discussed my primary mode of transportation on here. My car is a 1999 Ford Escort. I'm not much of a mechanic, but let's just say that it's not exactly the ideal car for snow travel. The thing has about the same weight as frizbee. Hell, when I sit in it, that probably increases its weight by about 50%. My point is that the thing slides around on ice very easily. But in Erie, those fuckers knew how to handle roads (Penn State was another matter, but let's not go there). The people in charge of Erie get those roads cleared after anything short of an iceberg rolling through town. And even if you do run into trouble, worst case scenerio is that you slide into a ditch.
Now let's talk about Morgantown. The roads here were designed by Dr. Seuss on an acid trip. Either that, or the town designers just took the existing paths that were made by mountain goats and paved them. "If it's good enough for Bessie, it's good enough for mah truck!" Professional contortionists can't have sex at the angles that these roads were built at.
And to top it off, at the bottom of most of these hills is some form of peril. In town, several steep side streets drop right into the river!! Seriously! The roads end in boat launches that aren't blocked or anything. On the outskirts of town (where I live), the bottoms of these slopes end in sharp curves with a 300 foot drop waiting for those who can't make it. The only thing standing between your sliding vehicle and a very interesting off-road experience is a government-issue guard rail. Think of Wile E. Coyote's worst nightmare.
The best road I saw had one of these perilous curves, and at the critical point where the road turns to avoid the nasty cliff, the guard rail has been completely knocked out. In its place are two small road cones. ROAD CONES! Thank you Morgantown. If my car is sliding out of control to my doom, I'll make sure the Winter Warlock takes note of your road cones and pilots my car toward a safer locale.
I suppose if my car plummets to the depths of a chasm, at least the firey wreckage will keep me warm until my timely demise.
4 comments:
I vote for the goat paths being paved option. I'm from the backwoods and am no stranger to curvy, bad roads, but the angles Mo-town pitches their roads at are for professional drivers only!
And you are pretty big for the size car you drive! LOL.
Yea, I'm available for children's parties when the circus won't rent out their clown cars.
"Yea, I'm available for children's parties when the circus won't rent out their clown cars. "
LOL!!!!
Erie has failed....
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16820445/
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