The Best Bar in Morgantown

I used to think that the best bar in Morgantown was The Sports Page. They have the cheapest and most generous Long Island Iced Teas that I've ever had. The female bartenders are also cheap and generous - but not really in the same way. I soon discovered a better place!

Late last night, after having a few drinks downtown to celebrate being done with our papers, Vivek and I decided to check out a bar that he'd heard of but never been to. All we knew was that it was right next to the strip club. The strip club, which is about 30 seconds from my apartment, is in what appears to be a remodeled barn, which gives me pause. I've never been brave enough to check it out; what if one of my students (or even worse, one of my fellow GTAs) is up on stage? That would just be awkward (or perhaps oddly erotic) for everybody!

So we get to the bar next to the strip club - it's called "Leo's Bar," and it looks like a dump. It looks like it could be the setting for From Dusk Till Dawn 4. I was beginning to have second thoughts, but through the front window, we see the bartender staring at us, so we figure we have no choice but to go in now. Looking back on it, I don't know what we thought he was going to do. You'd think a year and a half of West Virginia would make me immune to such concerns.

When we go in, I'm amazed at how nice the place actually is. It's a pretty cozy watering hole. There's plenty of space, some good music on the jukebox, and a pool table. But the BEST feature by far was their Star Trek: The Next Generation Pinball Machine!!

That alone makes it the best bar in Morgantown! This Podunk bar with a clientèle that has maybe 12 teeth among them has this pinball machine prominently displayed. The bartender even bragged about his high score. I suck at pinball, and I don't even really like it, but I certainly enjoyed playing this one. I even beat the "Q Challenge" and defeated the Borg Cube. Kiss my fat ass, Worf!

When we came in, the bartender was very excited to see us. He hollers, "Welcome to the best bar in Morgantown!" Then he thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well... it's at least the cleanest bar in Morgantown... according to the health inspector anyway." That either says a lot about this bar or a lot about the other bars in Morgantown. I don't want to know which.

There's only four other people in the place. Three of them are on the upper level playing pool, and then there's this old man sitting at the bar. He introduces himself as Leo, owner of the establishment. The man is 61 years old (as he was happy to inform us) and looks like a shorter Boss Hogg with glasses and a speech impediment. He was even wearing a cowboy hat. We talked with Leo for about 15 minutes, and as he mumbled at least four or five times, Leo spent most of his life working for the post office. I told him that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life yet, and over the next ten minutes, he told me about the importance of health insurance. The only reason he stopped was because his arthritis was acting up. I think I want to be Leo one day.

We didn't stay long since it was getting pretty late (and it was awkward being the only ones in there after everyone else left), but I fully intend to go back. The drinks were reasonably priced, the pinball machine rocked my world, and Leo amused and enchanted me.

And the bathroom was spotless! It probably was the cleanest in Morgantown.

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Leo's Bar: A refuge for redneck Star Trek fans since Leo's midlife crisis.