Thursday, February 21, 2008

And Now a Few Words from Whitey

Because I can't just let a legitimate perspective sit on my blog like a possible source of understanding, I decided to transform my brief blurb on race relations into a completely asinine post of its own.

Racism is an extremely taboo subject if you're white. Bringing it up will subject you to nothing but scorn and ridicule unless you do it just right. For instance, you can't bring it up in Kittanning bars unless it's in the form of "I hate those fucking Niggers!" or "Fucking Wetbacks are stealing all our jobs!" Never mind the fact that there are maybe ten black people and zero Mexicans within a 30 mile radius of the town. Also, it's not enough to use an extremely offensive racial slur; true acceptance is not reached until you add "fucking" before it.

Fun can also be found in the English department. My students had a field day with an assignment I gave them about euphemisms. I asked them to think about euphemisms that they see in everyday life. At least five white students complained about the term African-American. Their basic argument was, "Hey, if it gets the meaning across, then one word is as good as another." At first I thought, "Damn these crackers be racist," but then my lone black student made the same argument, and this small town white authority figure was left with a conundrum.

They all got an "A." Except for one kid who didn't meet the page requirement. I love busting people on a technicality. White cops have fun with that too.

[Side note: I hate the term "African American" as well. Not only does it sound patronizing, but it's also inaccurate in many cases. Not all black people come from Africa, and not all Africans are black. The whitest professor in the English department is from South Africa. No amount of political correctness is going to give him the term "African American."]

Even better is having fun with racism in a graduate class. Batmite is from India, and it's always fun to see how he's become the authority figure for all discussions of brown people. "Gee Golly, Batmite! What do you think about the plight of the African American slave?" But no matter what he says, he gets a free pass. I think he likes to see what he can get away with. "Oh, I think the white plantation owners weren't given a fair shake by historians." "Tell us more, oh wise brown man!"

Last spring I read James Baldwin's The Fire Next Time. [Basic Summary: White people repeatedly screw over black guy. Black guy gets pissed. Black guy chronicles how he dealt with racial issues.] I actually really liked the book, but I didn't know how I was supposed to analyze it, so I titled my response paper, "And Now a Few Words from Whitey." The paper basically outlined how I didn't know how to respond to this book because Baldwin said that white people can never understand the plight of blacks. This was right near the end of the spring semester when my disenchantment with the English department really kicked into high gear, and I was fully expecting (and perhaps hoping for) a big brouhaha from the professor.

She fucking loved it.

The class did too. They all started sharing their tales of how they don't know any black people either. [Note: The WVU English department is filled to the brim with white people.] One woman who's from the Ukraine didn't understand why I couldn't relate. After all, didn't I face persecution because of my Lithuanian heritage? That's right, Natasha. All the honkies form a mob and shout "LET'S GET THAT VILNIUS VERMIN!"

Batmite was asked after class if the discussion made him uncomfortable. Because, of course, talking about how white people don't understand black people would have a personal impact on the guy from India.

I should perform a little experiment while I'm still here. I should get Batmite to make an extremely politically incorrect argument about race in one class, and then try to make the same argument myself in another class. It would help if I wear something really white. If only I had something that would qualify....
Checkmate, bitches!

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Racism: Proving to be an untapped resource for funny anecdotes, lame puns, and incriminating tales about the English department. Hooray for Racism!!

8 comments:

contemplator said...

My current class on black discourse is filled with white people plus one undergraduate who seems to be German/Arabic. The prof is one of the leading academics in the field of race studies. He's also white. He busts us all the time on using words that really mean "white people". It's so ground into our culture that we don't recognize it sometimes.

What seems to be worse, though, is when some moron claims racism would "go away if people stopped bringing it up" or some other equally ridiculous claim.

Your story about the possibility of being discriminated against because of being Lithuanian cracked me up. It's as though some people have to find a way to be a victim in order to talk about other victims, because they're embarassed they're privileged. The fact of the matter is, some of us just aren't the brunt of such things. And we're the ones who are usually in charge of talking about such things. It wouldn't kill us to admit ignorance about it.

I feel like I opened a can of worms for you with my own post some time back. :( Whoops.

Anonymous said...

what can i say about this? Kittanning really is predominately white. The only black kid i know in school is a guy in a lower grade than me (10th i think) who used to be in the band, named Q (thats what we called him, and i forgot his real name). and even then he wasn't REALLY black, he was whiter than most people in the school, he just happens to be black.

Anonymous said...

What's "really black" though? I mean my grandma was black but I look like the whitest person on earth right?(And according to batmite I'm a Romanian street peddler.) I had a professor who tried to convince our class that Ice-T sold out because when he was singing "Cop Killah," he was doing something for his community by resisting "the white establishment" and by being on Law and Order, he's being an "Uncle Tom" as a "you should act white" role model to young kids. Um, k? As if being a successful actor (and cop on the show) makes him somehow less authentically black or rapping about killing cops and inciting violence and doing drugs is what black people are "supposed" to do. So what exactly does it mean to act or dress black? What does it mean to act white? Does acting white mean you're supposed to wear khakis and ride a bicycle around town and drink Starbucks and listen to Lawrence Welk? Does acting black mean you're supposed to live in the city, listen to rap, and wear your hat sideways on your way to your minimum wage job to support your babymama? People accuse Barack Obama of acting white and Eminem of dressing black, but it's kind of like saying ramen noodles are "oriental flavored" and turquoise jewelry is "authentic indian." What's "oriental" about that flavor? What's a real Indian? Someone who wears their hair in braids and lives on a reservation? I think kevin brings up some really good points about assumptions that race should somehow dictate behavior and personal motivations and just because someone is black they have to automatically do everything for their imagined "racial community" when their actual community might be Kittanning, the whitest town on earth. I'm sure there were people in my school in Youngstown who pointed to me at a school dance shaking my moneymaker going "look at that girl. I mean, she's white, but she's not REALLY white."

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

contemplator, where IS that kid from? I think he thinks learning about the Civil War is crap from waht I gather, which is a lot..including wood for my regiment's campfire (batmite bursts into uncontrollable uproarious chorkling fits of laughter and falls on the floor convulsing at the thought of me in a shawl, bonnet, and camp dress baking cornbread when it's 95 degrees out in the name of hugely significant historical import).

Anonymous said...

I think what Kevin was trying to say is that Q (His name is Marquay) definitely doesn't fit the steriotypical view a lot of people at KHS have of black people. He doesn't act like a gangster or dress in clothes in an attempt to look like a thug. He pretty much acts like any other kid from Kittanning.

Meanwhile there are plenty of white kids trying to talk like gangsters and dress like thugs. That's why people said that; they thought it was funny that he didn't fit the stereotype of a black kid while other people in the school who weren't black fit that stereotype perfectly.

contemplator said...

Meloncollie--I don't know where the hell he's from, but he annoys the shit out of me. If he'd shut up and listen for a while without sticking his hand in the air a third of the time, maybe he'd learn a thing or two. Gah!

Unknown said...

"The paper basically outlined how I didn't know how to respond to this book because Baldwin said that white people can never understand the plight of blacks."

I am so proud of you!