Shall We (Atten)Dance?

Since it's my last semester, and I've been growing increasingly weary of grad school, I've been cutting my students a lot of slack. There have been more "A"s this semester than ever. I don't cut corners on teaching them, but I've bent the rules here and there to make life easier for everyone involved.

Unless you ask my new favorite student. Let's call her "PIMA," short for Pain In My Ass.

Students get three excused absences over the course of a semester. In other words, any student gets to miss class three times for whatever reason. After that, the student's grade will drop. If the unfortunate little snowflake reaches six absences, he or she is supposed to immediately fail the course.

Pima missed eight classes. According to the course policy, I should have failed her; however, she's turned in all of her work, and she got As or B+s on all of her papers. Typically, if a student is keeping up with the work, I try not to fail the poor bastard. Instead, that person will fail the attendance grade (10%), which results in a final grade drop of one letter grade. In this case, I gave Pima a B-.

Pima took exception to this grade, and she confronted me after class. She thought the grade unfair since she finished all the work. "I clearly didn't need to come to class if I did well on the papers anyway."

Now I've posted about my problems with the attendance grade, but I wasn't about to get into a pedagogical discussion with Pima. My syllabus has an attendance grade, so all students have to deal with that. I explained the reasons for attendance, some of which I completely disagreed with, but I wasn't about to let Pima know that. Pima was obviously displeased, but she seemed to accept my decision and her lower grade and left. I thought that would be the end of it.

I was sorely mistaken.

I get an email later that day:

What are the days that I have missed? I plan on getting doctors notes for the first three absences that I have missed.

This is such a common student misconception that it almost needs to be announced to every class daily. She's trying to convince me that her absences when she was sick shouldn't count. What do students think those three free absences are for? Do they think that emergencies don't count and those three absences are for going to the beach? I actually believe students understand the concept, but they intentionally play dumb in an attempt to get sympathy.

My reply:

How do you not get this? Even if I count those first three absences as one (which I have no problem doing - I believe you when you say you were sick then), that's still six absences.

I recall a conversation that we had at midterm after you'd accumulated five absences. I told you that I'd cut you some slack as long as you didn't miss any more classes. You assured me that you would not. Half a semester and three absences later, I can't possibly see how you expect to get an "A" here.

Both the syllabus and the policies page in the Work in Progress clearly state that six absences should result in immediate failure of the course. By not failing you, I've already given you benefits that are unfair to other students, but you're not getting an "A" when you've
clearly not met the requirements for it. In the real world, you don't get to show up two hours late every day, slap the boss in the face, and expect to keep your job just because you do good work. Following the rules of the course is just as important as doing the work.

Admittedly, I was a bit annoyed, and thus a tad snarky. Still, I was right, and as with everything I do, that was the important part. Pima didn't agree:

i asked you a simple question because i needed an answer to it. It didn't require a sarcastic response to how i "don't get this yet?" I'm sorry, but i thought that a teacher was someone who you could come to when you had questions concerning the class. Next time i wont look to my teacher because honestly now I'm shocked and scared thinking that one of my teachers could handle a situation like that with their student. Im sorry that i am concerned with my grade.
Anyways, i have doctors notes for four of my absences, which means that now i will have 4
absences all together. What does this mean for my grade?

I know some of you may be thinking, "That JP is such an asshole. He scared a poor defenseless student." Bullshit. She's now trying to play the victim here, hoping that I'll cave because I feel bad. While I have a very friendly persona in class, she clearly doesn't understand my personal apathy when it comes to the suffering of others. Nevertheless, her emails were growing tiresome, so I tried to be professional with the following reply:

I don't mind that you're concerned about your grade. What I'm trying to explain is that you can't change your attendance grade even with the doctors excuses. The three free absences referred to on the syllabus are supposed to use for instances like that. I refer you to page xxi in the Work in Progress:

"Personal situations and required university events may arise that, on a rare occasion, make it impossible for you to be in class. Remember, however, that's why a few absences are allowed; please reserve absences for emergencies."

This was discussed multiple times in class. All absences count. Those three excused absences are supposed to cover things like illness, funerals, university-sponsored events, etc. That's why they're there.

I try to accommodate every student's needs, but I've already stretched my flexibility regarding your attendance to the limit. I have to consider what's fair to the other 39 students that I teach. If I give you an "A," it cheapens everything that grade stands for.

Please understand that this is not a personal vendetta, but I will implement my course policies and the policies of the English department. If you would like further explanation, please don't hesitate to stop by office on Friday, and we can talk about it more.

At this stage of the game, I'm not happy. This girl should have failed the course... period. But I was being generous by giving her a B-, and she has the gall to throw my generosity back in my face. It's incidents like this that help me understand why so many teachers have a surly disposition.

I thought for sure, though, that this reply would finally solve the problem. I was mistaken. The following email arrived the next day:

Wasn't there papers due on 2/4, and 4/4? Because i didn't hand those in late. I wouldn't have
missed any classes where assignments were due.

This may seem tame to the average reader, but it demonstrates another shift in her tactics. First she questioned the value of an attendance grade, then she questioned which absences were valid, and now she's sure that I marked her absent when she was actually there. I actually shouted out loud at this point. The phrase "pissing me off" doesn't even begin to cover it. I gave a quick reply explaining that I had no evidence to indicate that she had been there on those days. I told her that her papers wouldn't have been penalized for being late because I'm usually very lenient with the late policy.

Her reply:
its fair to not penalize on late papers? but in the syllabus it says that "You are expected to hand in your complete assignments on time. All work must be typed. Computer and printer problems are not valid excuses for late work." Then in the work in progress it says, "late work is unacceptable. Deadlines are not negotiable after you have missed them." And i thought you said to me that "i have to consider what's fair to the other 39 students that i teach." Well i dont really think that its fair to randomly pick which rules and guidelines you follow because all of my papers were handed in on time. If i knew this maybe i would have gone out with my friends and just blew the paper off because you dont penalize for that. But continue to do what you think is fair.

Do you see what I see? She's bitching me out for being too lenient!! How dare I be inconsistent with the rules!! I wanted to simply reply, "GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING BITCH!" But then a few seconds of rational thought made me realize that the short-term delight in imagining her reaction might be overshadowed by the lengthy scolding that I would get from my boss.

But keeping my boss in mind, I sent this final reply:

The only concrete documentation of your attendance is my attendance sheet, and if
you want to question that, you're going to need more than just a defense of "I wouldn't do something like that."

And if I understand you correctly, because I'm lenient with my late policy, I should disregard every other rule on my syllabus?

I'm lenient with most of my rules if I feel the situation warrants it. Again, that's why you didn't fail the course. And if you want to start giving me grief about not following the rules of the course, maybe that's exactly what I should do. The English 101 coordinator told every instructor that four absences should drop a student's FINAL grade to a B. Five absences should drop it to a C. Six absences result in a failure of the course regardless of the reasons for missing class. Why don't you figure out what grade you would get then?

I apply rules as I see fit because I don't think a strict, unyielding attitude toward such things is productive; however, I believe attendance to be an important part of the course, and while I'll give students some slack if they're keeping up with the course work (as I did with you), I won't give an "A" to every student for attendance just because I feel like it.

I consider this matter closed. I'm not a dimwit when it comes to taking attendance. If you're marked absent, you either weren't there that day or you came in late and didn't give me a heads up about it. I will be happy to take this matter to the English 101 Coordinator with you. He'll put an end to this matter very quickly, and I don't think you'll like his decision.

Your attendance grade is not changing. You can call me every name in the book, make personal attacks, and call every aspect of my course into question; I'm not changing your grade. If you want to keep going with this, we'll take it to my boss and have him sort it out.

I don't really want to take this to my boss since he'd probably give me grief for not failing her in the first place. But for this student, I'll gladly endure that nuisance. There's no doubt in my mind that not only will Boss-man uphold my decision, he'll likely penalize her even more.

That would just warm my heart. I almost hope that she wants to do it.

This whole incident is putting a big damper on the good mood that the end of the semester is creating. I can't stand students who don't keep their sense of entitlement to themselves. On the plus side, her emails are giving me a wonderful excuse to craft some delightful self-righteous rants. That's an opportunity I truly relish.

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9 out of 10 readers now understand why JP doesn't want to be a teacher anymore. That last reader slept with PIMA and will turn against JP at the earliest opportunity.