Half the Man I Used to Be

JP exactly 82 pounds ago.
It's also clearly JP from the mirror universe since he's sporting a hideously evil goatee.

As a few readers have hinted in the comments to my previous posts, I could be undervaluing my own achievements lately (curse you, Impostor Syndrome!). So to counter my feelings of career-oriented inferiority, this post is completely and unabashedly dedicated to tooting my own horn and gloating proudly.

In the last four years, I've lost 85 pounds! And Jenny Craig, Subway, and Atkins had no part of it. This was all done with diet, exercise, and an overabundance of free time.

The weight loss scheme began way back at the end of my junior year of undergrad. Back then I weighed 335 lbs (oh yes, that's a lot). At the time, I wasn't happy with my weight, but I had no immediate plans for losing it, and I never truly pursued any long-term plans for a diet. Then one day that all changed. A friend's girlfriend's friend needed a date to a sorority formal at Thiel College, so me being the charming and single one in the vicinity, I was asked to go. I guess she was so desperate to go that her standards just went right out the window. Unfortunately, the only suit I had stretched pretty snugly over my doughy physique. Rather then shell out money for a new suit, I figured I could fit into it pretty well if I lost five pounds before the formal, which was still three weeks away. Apparently my frugality trumped my desire for tasty treats because I pulled it off, and the suit fit well enough for me to go out on the dance floor and make a fool of myself.

But I didn't stop with just five pounds. For some reason, this little jump motivated me immensely because during the summer between my junior and senior years, I lost 40 pounds. I've since been told that it's not uncommon for that initial burst of motivation to almost feel like a light-switch coming on, and the reasons can be downright bizarre in retrospect. That certainly held true in my case.

My long road to being a slimmer giant wasn't always easy, but I had a lot of help. My mom being a respected and very talented dietician and personal trainer certainly made things a lot easier, though I'm sure she got sick of me whining all the time about how hard my paltry bench presses were using just the bar in those early days. She has my unending gratitude!

I didn't keep up the frenetic pace of that first summer, but by the time I started graduate school, I'd lost another 20 lbs. and was sitting comfortably at 269 lbs with high hopes of losing more during my two years at WVU.

Then grad school started, and I learned what it means to be a "stress eater."

Apparently, I have the dietary habits of a middle-aged woman, because when I get stressed out, I want to curl up on the sofa with a container of Ben & Jerry's and a bag of Salt & Vinegar chips while I watch cartoons and complain loudly to whoever might be nearby. I'm filled with murderous envy at people who *can't* eat when stressed. I saw the weight gain happening, but with papers to grade, books to read, papers to write, and a swirling abyss of a future filled with fail hovering ahead of me, I just didn't care. Over the two years in grad school, I gained back 30 lbs. I just tipped the scales at 300 lbs. last summer when I decided that it was time to buckle down again and get this flabby bulge off of me.

The snacking was the hardest thing to eliminate. I was loving my daily combo of evening snacks and TV. It was hard, and I still fall into old habits from time to time, but now I can watch TV at night without feeling the compulsory need to snack at the same time. I try not to deny myself any kinds of food. I just try to limit the amounts. That way if I'm really jonesing for an Oreo Klondike, I can just eat one and not sit there angrily munching on carrots. But now I can stop at just one.

It's been 10 months, and I'm 50 lbs. lighter. I'm a happy little unemployed blogger. At 253 lbs, I haven't been this light since before I was in high school. I can wear reasonably-sized clothing now. I fit comfortably into theater seats. My sardine-can-sized car actually seems roomier. I have more energy and stamina. And I'm looking damned good. I'm a very pretty man!

Though I will admit, I really want the man-boobs go away. I was hoping they'd do so on their own, but they're still noticably present, and while it can be fun to flaunt a nice perky rack, I'd rather they weren't there. I still have plenty more weight to lose so we'll see. My goal was once 250 lbs, but having essentially achieved that goal, I think I can do better. My new goal is now 230 lbs. That may or may not have something to do with that being the maximum weight for being able to skydive. I can certainly hold a grudge. :) If the aforementioned he-hooters are still around then, I may consider having them removed through other means.

I just hope that I can keep up my new healthier lifestyle. I now know that my dietary habits respond very poorly to stress, so I do worry about what will happen once I start taking classes in the fall and then teaching after that. It's a constant battle, and while I'm sure I'll bugger it up from time to time, I like to think that I'm generally on a road to a better place.

Or at least I might end up being the thinnest guy in the unemployment line!

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They say pride cometh before the fall, so hopefully my gloating won't be followed by an ice cream and taco binge of epic proportions. Besides, fall doesn't come for another four months.