Anti-Poetry: Illusions of Poverty

I'm currently taking a class that's supposed to be about Manuscripts, but for some reason, all we talk about in there is poetry. I hate poetry. I hate reading poetry. I hate talking about poetry. Well, a friend of mine in the class suggested that we might as well have some fun with poetry at the expense of the class and the humanities in general. She already started the fun here and another friend continued it here, so I now feel that it's my turn.

This poem is inspired by all the assholes in the English department who love to brag about how poor they are even though they clearly live a lifestyle that's contrary to that poverty. You can't spend five bucks for some special blend of coffee, 20 bucks for imported cigarettes, and a hundred bucks on a special bohemian-looking trenchcoat and scarf just so you can look like fucking Allen Ginsberg if you have no money. You also can't look down on people who shop at Walmart because you're too good for it. If you're as poor as you claim, Walmart should be your one-stop shop.

But the rant is getting too long and my anti-poetry awaits, so without further ado, I present you with my anti-poem.

Illusions of Poverty

It's not all that great being really poor
But for English grad students it's not much of a chore.
While the normal view poverty with bile
The English major sees it with style.

The English major will spend a lot
To make it look like he or she is on pot.
Their clothes may look like an old couch cushion
But in fact those threads cost a small fortune.

A pack of Oreos costs about two bucks
But that's not good enough for these pretentious fucks.
No, the Vegan cookie is the absolute must
Even though that shit tastes like sawdust.

The average poor man shops at Walmart
The deals there mean you come out with a full cart.
But the English asshole is not impressed
For Walmart is a bourgeois boot on the oppressed.

So Kroeger's and the Thrift Store call to them
Despite their prices not being much of a gem.
But on the plus side, their image is maintained for the day
Of living in that Bohemian-Great-Depression kind of way.

So if you think you're poor, don't worry
English majors get by with Tofurkey and curry.
Never mind that that shit costs more
It's all a part of being admirably poor.

JP's Anti-Poetry: indiscriminately lumping all English majors into a single insult since last August.