If you're dumb enough to require instructions, you've probably drowned yourself in the toilet alreadyNothing pisses me off more than going into a bathroom, washing my hands, and then discovering that the establishment only has an automatic hand dryer.
I hate hand blow-dryers. I know why they're there. Some penny-pinching restaurant-owners got together and thought, "Hey, if we didn't have to purchase paper towels, we might be able to afford those roach traps for the health inspector!"
And I don't buy that "Better for the environment" bullshit that they're advertising on their website. I don't know how much electricity those things use, but if that revving noise they make is any indication, it can't be good. If you check out their website, they give some (unsupported) statistics about paper towel use. And then in bold letters it says, "And, paper towels cannot be recycled!" Holy shit!! Someone call Captain Planet! How can paper towels not be recycled? That brown sandpaper shit in high schools is proudly made from recycled material.
But the best thing on their website: "Electric Warm Air Hand Drying from World Dryer can Save Money While You Show You Care!" Yeah, after I've walked through the dried urine and used toilet paper on the floor of my local gas station, that hand dryer just makes me think that Bubba at the counter really cares.
Hand dryers take forever and never really get your hands dry. You always end up with that soapy residue on your hands from the sub-standard soap that public places use. I guarantee that if the place won't spring for paper towels, they're not springing for good soap either.
Then there's the loudness. If you're in a relatively quiet establishment, everyone in the place will hear that sumbitch whir on. Then everyone will be staring at you when you come out thinking, "That guy just took a shit. And he had to use that crappy hand dryer so you know his hands might not be clean enough...."
The best establishments have a manually-operated paper towel dispenser that lets you take as many paper towels as you need. That shows class. I'll even take those electric paper towel dispensers. They're fun, and they scare the bejesus out of old people. That's a double-bagger!
Hand dryers blow.
Hand dryers suck.
Any way the air moves,
you're out of luck.
Automatic Hand Dryers: allowing old men to blow-dry their balls in the locker room since exhaust fans were removed.
I hate hand blow-dryers. I know why they're there. Some penny-pinching restaurant-owners got together and thought, "Hey, if we didn't have to purchase paper towels, we might be able to afford those roach traps for the health inspector!"
And I don't buy that "Better for the environment" bullshit that they're advertising on their website. I don't know how much electricity those things use, but if that revving noise they make is any indication, it can't be good. If you check out their website, they give some (unsupported) statistics about paper towel use. And then in bold letters it says, "And, paper towels cannot be recycled!" Holy shit!! Someone call Captain Planet! How can paper towels not be recycled? That brown sandpaper shit in high schools is proudly made from recycled material.
But the best thing on their website: "Electric Warm Air Hand Drying from World Dryer can Save Money While You Show You Care!" Yeah, after I've walked through the dried urine and used toilet paper on the floor of my local gas station, that hand dryer just makes me think that Bubba at the counter really cares.
Hand dryers take forever and never really get your hands dry. You always end up with that soapy residue on your hands from the sub-standard soap that public places use. I guarantee that if the place won't spring for paper towels, they're not springing for good soap either.
Then there's the loudness. If you're in a relatively quiet establishment, everyone in the place will hear that sumbitch whir on. Then everyone will be staring at you when you come out thinking, "That guy just took a shit. And he had to use that crappy hand dryer so you know his hands might not be clean enough...."
The best establishments have a manually-operated paper towel dispenser that lets you take as many paper towels as you need. That shows class. I'll even take those electric paper towel dispensers. They're fun, and they scare the bejesus out of old people. That's a double-bagger!
Hand dryers blow.
Hand dryers suck.
Any way the air moves,
you're out of luck.
Automatic Hand Dryers: allowing old men to blow-dry their balls in the locker room since exhaust fans were removed.
10 comments:
My dearest JP,
I thought I would share with you that one time at our lovely local YMCA, the hand dryer had written on it, "Push button, receive bacon."
I mean come on, those wavy things totally look like bacon.
Fondly,
Megan
That's damn true.
And that's damn funny.
I'll never be able to dry my hands the same way again.
How goes your paper?
Does the noise of the hand dryer trump the noise of the automatic urinal? Having just spent a week in airports, I must ask the question.
I personally think that all this talk about bathrooms in inappropriate for a public forum!
I have no quarrel with the automatic urinal. I do have a problem with the automatic normal toilet. The urinal can be ignored, but when you're sitting on the can, even the slightest shifting of weight can suck you to the center of the Earth.
Don't even get me started on the automatic sinks.
And interesting that The Son of the Greene posted only a minute before my boy PraiseHim. :)
Such fascinating coincidences
Sounds like someone is developing multiple personality disorder...
You suck at the blogging.
Yours truly,
The shit
The shit is the man!!
Thus speakith JP!
The Shit is Teh Suk!!!111
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