Tuesday, August 14, 2007

In MySpace, No One Can Hear You Scream

"Giant Douchebag would like to be added as one of your friends."

I got a Facebook account a few years ago and MySpace page some time later. I'm beginning to hate both.

My distaste for MySpace was almost immediate. I decided to sign up for it because it seemed like the trendy thing to do. And what can I say? I wanted to go with the crowd. I encountered problems immediately. I could get the basic information up, but I wanted to add a background. The MySpace page told me, "You need to know HTML." They went on to say, "If you don't know HTML, ask your fellow MySpace members. They're very helpful, and it's a great way to meet new people." The hell they are. *I'm* on MySpace, and I'm not helpful. This was just MySpace's lazy-ass way of getting out of putting an HTML tutorial on its site (or even better, eliminate the need for it altogether).

I also don't understand the concept of the networks that MySpace uses. Apparently, EVERYONE is in my extended network. You'd have to go to Eternia to find someone outside my network. I clicked on my own profile to discover that I'm in my own extended network. I guess I'm my own best friend.

The absolute worst part of MySpace (and the reason I'm a hair's breath away from getting rid of my account) is the never-ending stream of friend requests from fictitious hot women. Typically they're just false accounts with generic names (Who doesn't have a distant friend named Lindsay or Jamie?) that advertisers use to trick you into clicking on the page. Sometimes, however, they come with a little message. Those are the best. "I came across your MySpace page and thought you were funny and kinda cute." Guilty as charged. I am one magnificent bastard.

FRIEND REQUEST DENIED!

Facebook used to be fine. It was a nice way to keep in touch with friends that I wouldn't otherwise see or talk to. But now it's just getting completely out of control. The new "News Feed" feature just completely pisses me off. I don't need to have everyone know when I join the "I want to be nude when I cook bacon" group. Some things are for "me time."

There are all kinds of new features being added to Facebook that people are signing up for. I normally wouldn't give a shit, but when one of my friends signs up for one of these pointless features and then involves my name in some way, *I* get invited to use this cool new time-waster. I tried this one that asked me to compare my friends to each other until I realized that I don't really know half of my Facebook friends anymore. I certainly don't want them notified that I'm categorizing them. That might entice them to talk to me again. I spent a lot of time driving some of these people away. That's progress that I don't want to lose.

INVITATION REQUEST DENIED!

-------------------------
Tom Anderson - Presuming to be your MySpace friend like the social parasite that he is since 2002.

4 comments:

contemplator said...

"me time."

*snicker*

Unknown said...

Oh, Justin. I, for one, would love to know that you enjoy cooking bacon in the nude. I mean, come on, who doesn't? I understand that you need "me" time, but you live alone. Isn't that time enough?

Unknown said...

Oh, and, yes you are one magnificent bastard. I concur.

JP said...

Thanks. The burns do make for interesting conversations at the doctor's office.