Saturday, November 17, 2007

Turtle Tip: Ignore Those With Problems




Back in the late 80s/early 90s, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was taking a lot of flak for its comedic depictions of senseless violence. I mean, they were essentially a group of mutant vigilantes carrying lethal weapons and dispensing justice at their whim. In order to appease parents and other people who couldn't enjoy a good robot/turtle melee, the show began to have these little public service announcements called "Turtle Tips" at the end of their episodes.

In this message, an elementary school mullet boy is heckling poor Joey about taking some pot ("You know... MARIJUANA!"). After Joey gives the 80s punk his "oh snap, son!" comeback, Donatello comes on with his final message: "Drug dealers are dorks. Don't even talk to them!"

That's right kids. If a ten year old has somehow fallen in with a gang of drug runners and is trying to push drugs onto elementary school students, the right answer is to castigate this kid. Ignore him and make him a social pariah. Come on, Donatello! This kid is clearly a newbie seller. What kind of professional heckles his customers by flapping his arms and making chicken noises? This kid either needs a friend or an "Intro to Business" class.

I think Michaelangelo has the right idea. Get a pizza, sit down with the drug dealing kid, and make friends. Maybe that's all this leather-clad pre-teen is looking for: a buddy and a good meal. Hall Monitor Donatello the Hardass would have us shove this kid down a well and forget about him.

You're the real turkey, Donatello! That's why no one talks to you.... that and the purple flair.

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9 out of 10 drug dealers in prison blame Donatello for the zero tolerance policy. The last one blames Krang for his Ecstasy from Dimension X.

1 comment:

Breathe'n'Evoke said...

Really nice job founding that commercial!

Too bad they are lost. Fortunally we got some new ones! Personaly I found "meth".

Hope you don't mind leaving here a link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bxAYHOWxGi8

Thumbsup.