The Cynic's Manifesto

Would you really trust this man's opinion?

So as I was perusing some of my usual blogs as well as those of some other people, I noticed that a lot of people are much more forthcoming about themselves. Instead of cryptic comments that are interlaced with trivial tales that are often posted on the flimsiest of pretenses, other bloggers actually post about worthwhile topics about issues that are important to them. So for something completely different, I thought I'd actually have a go at giving a few insights into how I actually think, with a limited amount of bullshittery involved.

This also serves as a much belated response to Virgil's tag regarding eight things you didn't know about me. These aren't necessarily secrets, and some of these may have been hinted at in previous posts, but I like to think that I'm secretive enough (or at least sarcastically humorous enough) to keep people from knowing this stuff legitimately.

Enjoy this peek into my brain:

1. I'm kinda racist. I thought I'd start with that one just to make everyone comfortable. I'm not intentionally so, and I don't have any personal resentment toward minorities, but I know that I make a lot of rash assumptions about people based solely on the color of their skin. I've also laughed at racist jokes as some of them have clever wordplay. I try very hard to work through these things, but Kittanning is extremely white, so part of it is simply a lack of experience and/or knowledge (Penn State Erie and WVU aren't particularly diverse either... though I am living with a guy from India. He's my personal tolerance street cred :) Sometimes I don't even know what to do. Is it racist that I'm afraid to go through the black neighborhoods in Pittsburgh at night even though I know about the historical, cultural, and economic situations (often instigated by whites) that led to urban crime? I'm certainly not as racist as some people I know (and in fact I get really angry when people make serious racist statements), but I don't think a comparative scale works too well to exonerate me on this.

2. Related to the previous point, I'm not all that willing to defend my point of view in public settings. I'm not a particularly charismatic arguer if I'm not prepared, and I'm seldom prepared for most debates. Even when I think I'm prepared, I'll be properly schooled by those who have actually done legitimate research (re: the prosecutor from Morgantown). I can own anyone's ass in blog form (except maybe Virgil), but in real life, I'm fucking useless.

3. I'm politically apathetic. It's not that I don't care about political issues, but I have issues with both political parties. Republicans are far too religious and close-minded. Democrats are wishy-washy and unwilling to upset people. If I had to choose a candidate for the 2008 election right now, I'd probably pick Barack Obama. He seems like a decent guy. Hillary Clinton irritates me for some reason; she gives the appearance of being insincere.

4. This one's not news to anyone: I'm an atheist. I have no ill will towards churches. They do a lot of good sometimes, and I think a lot of people simply take comfort in the regularity of the church service and the chance to talk to someone about spiritual/personal/psychological matters (i.e. the priest). But I certainly don't think that there's an invisible man up in the sky who gives a shit about what I'm doing. Even if there is, I don't like the idea of any religion telling me what I can and cannot do in order to please the invisible man.

5. I don't always listen when people are talking to me even when it looks like I am. If I may brag for a moment, I look like I am a PHENOMENAL listener. I make eye contact, nod at the appropriate places, and give encouraging feedback. But in my head, I'm sometimes not even aware that you're in the room. Or (as with a lot of English majors) I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next without even worrying about what I'm replying to. I can be a self-centered prick.

6. I'm much taller than most women. As a result, I can stare at cleavage and enjoy the view while the unsuspecting woman thinks I'm looking her right in the eye. I respect women and believe in women's rights and equality... but I also like boobies. :) [Always fun to make my mom uncomfortable now that I know that she reads my blog.]

7. I've never been on an airplane, and I would really like to go somewhere that would warrant getting on one. The farthest from home that I've ever been was a trip to Florida during my senior Spring Break in college. I'd never seen a palm tree in real life before. I'd never gone swimming in the ocean before that. There are so many places that I'd like to go that I've only read about. At this point, I don't even think I'd care about the destination. Nebraska would be interesting to me.

8. Much as I hate grad school anymore, and as much as I don't care about any of the readings that I'm assigned, I feel really guilty about not doing the homework. I feel even worse that I never get caught. Everyone else does the work, and they get the same reward I get: a Master's Degree in English. I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to look at that degree when I have it and be able to feel like I deserve it. While I've never cheated on papers or in completing the assignments that are turned in, and even when I don't do the work, I'm still constantly worrying about it. I also worry that I'll always be caught (even though I never am). I'm convinced my current Drama professor is on to me, but thus far, I've been able to keep my head above water.

So there you have it, fair readers - a serious look at the man behind the moniker "JP." Those of you looking for lighter fare will have to wait. I actually have a few good ideas rolling around in my head, so fear not. My serious emotions will be put back into their little bottle and hidden behind a curtain of cynicism and apathy where they can safely grow into a cancerous tumor or a serious mental condition.

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JP: Expecting conversations with his female friends to be more complex now that they know that he's probably not listening to them and/or staring at their cleavage.