The English department just moved into a new building a few weeks ago. On the whole, it's a better pad than the old building - no asbestos, clear drinking water, working roach traps, etc. But there's one problem with the building that bothers me. It's not that we don't have air conditioning yet, though that's an annoyance. My big complaint is that there are no locks on the men's bathrooms.What makes this complaint a big deal is that these are one-man bathrooms. You walk in and there's a sink, and then a urinal, and then a toilet. There are no stalls. You can just stroll in and see everything. I don't like the idea of someone swinging open the door so that the faculty and ten students waiting to conference can see my fat pasty ass taking a big shit.
The department's solution: post-it notes that say "Occupied" that are to put on the door when in use. Personally I think that's just asking for trouble. For me, the biggest laugh is that the bathrooms are the ONLY doors without a lock. All of our offices have locks; the resource rooms have locks; the classrooms have locks; the main office has a lock; and the entire building has an elaborate security system. This indicates to me that they ordered these lockless doors for the bathroom on purpose. Do the designers of the building have some sort of fetish for voyeurism and Cleveland Steamers?
English department: I want some goddamn locks on the bathroom doors. I'll even take a chain or sliding lock. Hell, give me a block of wood to wedge under the door when I'm in there. I'm sick of going to down the first floor whenever I need to poop just because it's the only bathroom that you've deemed worthy of having a separate stall. Could it be because the first floor is where all the department heads and secretaries work?
Nah.
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This post was brought to you by 1-ply toilet paper: made from sandpaper and stocked in university bathrooms across the nation so that it's nearly impossible for you to pull it off of the mammoth roll that it comes on.
5 comments:
"I'm sick of going to down the first floor whenever I need to poop just because it's the only bathroom that you've deemed worthy of having a separate stall. "
Hahaha you are Larry David
Bring your plastic office door wedge that you had to sign over a kidney for with you next time.
Bullshit. I don't need English department fluids and diseases all over my precious door stop. Christ, Batmite uses that bathroom! :)
Well if you didn't take 30 minute dumps you wouldn't have a line of people irritated with the occupied sign on the door.......
I don't need English department fluids and diseases all over my precious door stop.
Christ, are you boys that messy!? So messy it's just running all over the entire bathroom?
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