For the last few weeks, I’ve been enduring the monumental intellectual task of completing my online community college course. “The Foundation of Education” boasts a challenging and rigorous curriculum that utilizes cutting-edge pedagogical techniques and demands the highest scholarly work from students. Additionally… *cough* … *hack* …. *blergh* … *ahem* Oh, excuse me. I’m choking on the sheer bulk of sarcasm here. I’ll attempt to be more genuine so that it goes down more smoothly.This ridiculous online course, which I’m only taking as a prerequisite to the teaching certification program at Pitt, is driving me mad. Not only do I have to wade through the tediously repetitive book chapters that are written for a fifth-grade reading level, but I also have to take the most poorly-written online exams ever associated with a course.
Let me be clear. This course is laughably easy. I read a chapter, and then I’m supposed to go online to take a multiple-choice quiz… WHILE I SIT WITH THE BOOK RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. The questions aren’t even challenging. Question 1 comes from the first page in the chapter. Question 2 comes from the following paragraph, and so on. You seriously just roll right through the chapter and answer the questions as you go. I almost feel foolish for reading the chapters ahead of time.
However…
There’s a problem with this seemingly perfect assessment situation: the tests were written by incompetent sub-humans who have no basic grasp of how to write a simple question. I’ve taken three of these online “tests” so far, and it’s a huge blow to my already inflated ego that I’ve missed three or four questions on each one. Of course, they don’t reveal which questions I missed, but I have a pretty good idea.
Here’s a good example of one of the questions:
How many sexually-active high school students admit to using a condom during sex?
A: 25%
B: 50%
C: 75%
D: 100%
Seems harmless enough, doesn’t it? Well, in the section regarding sex education in high schools, the book goes into a bit more detail: “2/3 of sexually-active high school girls admit to using a condom during sex. However, only 1/2 of sexually-active high school boys admit to using one.” That’s all the book has to say on the matter. Do you see the problem? The answer is somewhere between 50% and 75%, but I can’t really be sure. Some basic math tells me that the answer is “closer” to 50%, but it’s not really the right answer. I have no problem with using critical thinking skills to answer questions on a test, but don’t give me a goddamn math problem to do in order to estimate a figure that’s not in the fucking text.
For another choice example, let’s take a look at the book’s section on poverty. The online quiz had a nice little question asking me to evaluate four statements about poverty and then determine which ones were true. Each multiple choice answer offered two or three statements as being correct (meaning that there was at least more than one). However, after scouring that section on poverty and any other reference to it in the chapter, I could only find evidence of ONE of those statements being true. What the hell, test maker?? These weren’t options that could be extrapolated from the existing material either. These were statements regarding data such as “20% of American students live in poverty” or something to that effect. Unless that’s written in the book, how am I supposed to know whether they consider that to be a true statement or not? I haven’t committed to memory random statistical data from other studies for use on tedious online quizzes.
These tests are littered with vague questions. Some simply have two answers that could both be interpreted as correct from a certain point of view, and I’m forced to decide if the test writer was being tricky or if I have to think more like a stupid student. When I took the LSAT back in the fall, they had questions like that too, but they put them there on purpose. They explicitly said that I was to pick the “best” answer even if another answer might have some validity. But these online tests have no such caveat. But the only one they should really put is: “This test was written by a fucking dimwit. Approach with caution, and prepare to be royally screwed.”
It doesn’t help that the professor has a reputation for being a lousy online teacher. Apparently I lucked into getting Dr. Apathetic for this ridiculous course, and while that normally wouldn’t bother me, I highly suspect that he wouldn’t have a lot of sympathy for me were I to send a strongly worded email to him. He’s an English professor too, so he’d likely just give me a lengthy bullshit spiel about academic policy that will save him from having to change the test.
Can’t say I blame him. I’d try to pull the same stunt.
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2/3 of JP’s readers don’t care about this post. How many don’t care?
A: 20%
B: 80%
C: All of the above
D: United Arab Emirates
7 comments:
Oh, JP. It sounds like you're well on your way to becoming a teacher and learning the system rather quickly. Most of your education classes will be a joke--either ridiculously easy, impractical, or useless. You'll learn best once you're in a classroom. Student teaching is just a brief introduction, though. Most teachers agree that you don't really learn much at all until you have your own classroom, students, curriculum, etc.
P.S. Did I tell you that I think daily about changing careers?
Anon: I strongly suspect that you're LD, so I'll proceed on that basis. :)
I knew ahead of time that education classes would be a waste of time and money, but I didn't think they'd be outright unfair! Grrrrr... How hard is it to create a simple multiple choice test??
I certainly wouldn't blame you for jumping ship. Though as someone who has waded through the corporate wasteland of job prospects, I hope you have something else lined up before you do so.
Batmite: Came to your senses?? You were a magnificent specimen of educator. Your students... they worshiped the ground your hairy brown Hobbit feet walked on. Of course, your post-teaching career has been equally epic, with job offers coming in from around the globe. Curse you and your well-traveled resume!!!
You know me all too well, JP. :)
It's a shame that those who are supposed to be excellent test makers create some of the worst tests ever!
If I still hate what I'm doing in
3-5 years, I'll think about leaving. Finding a job in just about anything right now is a mess. I wish I had something for next year already lined up, but I don't. Boo.
Apparently online education does not teach the "ctrl T; google.com" method.
LD: At least you have some measure of job security and a reasonably steady paycheck. And you haven't had to go to the Komissar's class in a year. :)
Sarah: The what?? What are you talking about?
Ctrl T opens a new tab in your web browser, then you go to google.com and type in your question!
It's the best way to get through an online exam.
The questions themselves are inexplicable. The problem is that the question provides two correct answers or asks for something vague. I can find the sections of the text that are supposed to cover their crap, but it doesn't help.
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