Teach Like Jesus Would!

I came across a great billboard; it said, "TEACH LIKE JESUS WOULD!" in big bold letters. I have no idea why. There didn't appear to be any context. Just wisdom to think about I guess.

Well think I did.

It sounded good at first. Who wouldn't want to teach like Jesus? But then I thought about it some more. What would Jesus really be like as a real teacher? Sure, it's easy to put on some sandals and an old bedsheet and wander around the desert spouting Fortune-Cookie wisdom, but what would happen if Jesus had to teach English 101?

I don't know if he'd last very long. Think about it. As a teacher, Jesus was vague, wishy-washy, and had stiff penalties for not following the rules. First of all, he answered simple questions with bizarre metaphors.
"Jesus, how can we get to heaven?"
"Well my friend, let me tell you a story of a goat and a shepherd who found the golden gourd."
No student is going to understand something like that - too damn vague! And he can't make up his mind. Guy came down and changed all the rules that his dad set down in the Old Testament. You don't need that kind of mixed message from management.

And of course, if you don't follow Jesus's little lessons, you're going to hell. Talk about a bad discipline policy. Imagine how this guy would run a real class:
"Excuse me Mr. Christ; I know the paper was supposed to be 4 pages, but I only got 3 and a half pages."
"Sorry Timmy, but I'm afraid you're going to burn for all eternity in the pits of darkness."
"Mr. Christ, do I need a comma here?"
"Well Jeffy, let me tell you about the king whose sword could fell the giant who owned the golden rod!"
"Mr. Christ, why did I get an C on this paper?"
"Because you didn't dot your I's and cross your T's. And if there's one thing I know, it's crosses. Don't screw with me; I'm dying for your grades!"

No one should teach like Jesus. The sign is all wrong. Hell, if Jesus was a decent teacher, why didn't he stick around for the eventual grade disputes? I'm sure not everyone is entirely happy with his judgment. That son of a God has a lot to answer for.


The Undesirable Element - Going to hell since 1983.