DARWIN: 1 - - - MOUNTAINEERS: 0On Sunday, my friend Dave had a bachelor party (planned, in part, by me) where we went down to the Waterfront in Pittsburgh, and it was loads of fun. We went to a comedy club to see Rich Vos and then went to a Japanese Hibachi Grill. We thoroughly made spectacles of ourselves in both places. After watching a friend try to pick up our Ukrainian waitress and witnessing our chef squirt enough vodka into the mouth of another friend to drown a Cossack, we headed over to a bar called Bar Louie's.
At the comedy club, we were made aware that a bachelorette party was taking place there as well. As luck would have it, this group made its way to Bar Louie's as well. Some of my friends started talking to them (some with clearer intentions than others). I decided to keep my distance. The night was going well - I didn't need to bring the rejection of a woman into the mix to bring the night down. I can do that anywhere.
All was going well until I noticed my friends yelling and pointing in my direction as the women looked at me. Not used to this kind of positive attention from the opposite sex, I went over.
Dave: "Hey JP!! This girl goes to WVU!"
Me: "Oh yea? What year are you?"
Woman: "I'm a faculty member in the pharmacy department."
Me (in my usual joking sarcastic tone): "Oh! So you're on the good side of campus!"
Woman (giving me a scowl): "It's all good!"
I start to get bad vibes at this point. This woman has too good of an opinion of WVU.
Woman: "Did you go to the football game yesterday?"
Me: "No"
Woman: "Did you watch it on TV?"
I could have lied. I could have said, "Yes! I'm a big Mountaineer fan," but that subterfuge would only have lasted for about a minute. "Oh? Who's your favorite player?" "Oh it's, um, Chuck..... Steak...?" So I went with the truth.
Me (feeling like a gay loser): "No"
Woman: "You are a Mountaineer aren't you?"
Me: "Technically I suppose I am."
She gave me a look like I'd just jiggled by bare belly at her while screaming "Show Papa Bear some lovin!" She then turned her back on me and the conversation was over.
Am I really the only straight man alive who doesn't give a shit about football? I mean, I can enjoy a game if it's one. I had great times at the Penn State football games out at State College. But I really don't watch football by myself.
But I don't think football was the only problem. This woman seemed extremely dissatisfied with my negative attitude toward WVU. It's hard to explain my anti-Dub-V attitude. If I had come here for my undergrad, I would have had a blast. There are so many fun things to do. The communal atmosphere among the undergrads seems to be fantastic. Hell, even the undergrad English classes are far superior to grad classes.
I'm currently at the #1 party school in America, and I'm too fucking busy to enjoy it. Even when I have free time, there's such a bizarre disconnect between undergrads and grad students. It feels creepy to drink with them sometimes.
Never mind the pain and misery that comes naturally with grad school. All of that negative energy seems to bleed into my feelings toward West Virginia University as a whole. I have six hours of grad classes on Tuesday nights (two 3-hour classes), and by 10pm on Tuesdays, I feel like I want to experience that cool breeze on my brain that only a hatchet to the face can provide.
I'm taking this class about Old English (a class that deserves its own blog post in the future), and the book feels like it was written by John Cleese after smoking enough crank to take down a small blue whale. The guy skips around topics and then says "If you speak German, you'll feel right at home with this," the implied message there being, "If you don't speak German, you will be Grendel-fucked in a manner that would make Hrothgar cry."
So to the woman who thought I was a complete waste of flesh for not loving WVU football:
1. My ill-will toward the school has more to do with grad school than anything else.
2. WVU is a shithole anyway. "Party school" is just a euphemism for "severe substance abuse locale," and most of this place should be (and parts already have been) condemned.
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WVU Mountaineers - Arrogance and self-importance tempered with the promise of self-inflicted deaths related to arson.
6 comments:
Take' Dave makes good hibachi shit.
PS - Great picture.
The pharmacy gal apparently never sat in the student section at football games, where she would be likely to be hit with everything from randomly spilled beer to puke from too much beer to an overly excited male students jism. At some point, my students have reported all those things.
Wonder if she'd still think "Go 'Neers" if she had spooge all over herself? Think you could still find out?
Take' Dave makes regular Dave look like a bitch :)
Mountaineer Spooge: That's one of the more repulsive and intriguing football stories that I've ever heard. How true is that story?
As for pharmacy-girl, I don't know what happened to her. I always come up with witty insults after it's much too late.
It's as true a story as a drunk girl during a football game can remember it three days later. :D
"You will be Grendel-fucked in a manner that would make Hrothgar cry."
I'm not even going to say anything. You must know how I feel about this statement. :D
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