Land of the Giants

I've never blogged about sports. Not once. Not one single solitary time. Zilch. Zero. Nada. (Okay, except for that one time when I talked about the outdoor Pens game... guess I showed myself.) That's because I don't much like sports. More importantly, I don't really know all that much about sports. It's hard to be snarky when lacking information.

And yet I watched the Super Bowl this year.

Of all the sports, I actually kinda like watching football. Granted, if I'm not with anyone else, I'll seldom watch. Internet porn provides the more attractive draw (and after the last two posts, I have to salvage the remnants of my masculinity somehow). However, there's something about football that I really like. I think it's that every part of the game counts. In basketball and hockey, the game goes back and forth in a seemingly endless cycle, with the only interesting bits occurring near the end. Baseball is too slow (though my one friend will tell me I just don't understand that it's a game of anticipation).

Thus bringing me to Super Bowl XLII. I didn't really care about most of the game since the Steelers weren't in it, and as I said, I don't know much about football. I have, however, been following the news well enough to know that the New England Patriots had an undefeated season in both the regular and post-season. They've also won three Super Bowls in four years. I sense a team that brings a whole new meaning to the word "egocentric."

And the center of the Patriots' little monopoly on victory was their quarterback Tom Brady. Words like "perfection" and "destiny" were being tossed around on the news. I may not be a religious man, but even I know that impersonating a deity earns you a huge ass-kicking from irate other-worldly beings. It seemed like all over television, Tom Brady was being treated like God. Not even "a" god - like Apollo or Thor or something - but I think Brady was being compared to THE God... at least by people from Boston, who are already way too full of themselves as it is (JP awaits comments from a random Bostonian reader).

I love rooting for someone to take down people like that. I can't stand it when people think that they're "destined" to succeed. There's no such thing as destiny... only bad karma with the Morgantown traffic authority.

While I wasn't going to be all that upset if the Patriots won, I was still quietly rooting for the Giants. The Giants even have Eli Manning, who always seems to be treated like the pale imitation of Peyton Manning. He was like the Robin to Peyton's Batman. The Giants also had some mammoth guy named Justin Tuck on their defense, who finally gives my first name some manly props by sacking Tom Brady several times (as opposed to that squirrel-fucker Justin Timberlake, who does nothing but associate the name "Justin" with metrosexuality).

The fourth quarter was actually pretty exciting. All the way down the last second, I was convinced that somehow Tom Brady was going to pull off some crazy pass to win the game. I'm glad they didn't. A team that overconfident needs to be brought down a few pegs. I'll admit that they're a solid team that plays well, but no team needs to be described as "perfect." Fuck that shit.

And Bill Belichick looks like a douchebag. I don't know why, but something about that guy just SCREAMS "I also serve to clean women's crotches."

Congratulations Super Bowl XLII. I actually cared more about the game than the commercials in between. That's a first.... Though I did like the FedEx commercial with the giant pigeons. That was pretty choice.

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The New York Giants: I'd be happier for them if New York wasn't filled with egocentric sports fans too.