He is Risen, and he's FABULOUS!

This is one of my favorite possessions. Last Christmas I asked my parents for a Magic 8-Ball. On Christmas morning, I open one of the boxes to discover this hot-pink Jesus statue. Understandably, my reaction was simply, "What the fuck is this?" Apparently, the Spencer's was out of Magic 8-Balls (for reasons I can't begin to fathom), so the guy working at Spencer's (who incidentally had a master's degree in English according to my mom - Merry Christmas to my self esteem right there) recommended this "Answer-Me Jesus," which has a Magic 8-Ball thing on the bottom of it that gives out religious advice.

This thing is great. It's both stylish and blasphemous. You shake Jesus and ask a question like, "Should I eat the deviled eggs?" and he will respond with any number of clever answers such as:
"I died for this?"
"I still love you"
"Repent!"
"Hypocrite!"
"Believe"
"I forgive you"
"Wait for a sign"
"SINNER!"
"Let me ask my dad"
"Hallelujah!"
"No chance in hell"
"Resist the devil"
and my personal favorite: "The holy water will sting."

If you want to check out more about "Answer Me Jesus" or some other sacrilegious wares that they're selling, CLICK HERE. It's good for a few holy chuckles. I kinda want to put this in my cubicle, but I wonder if that might be misconstrued as religious intolerance toward my students. Maybe I should buy the "Answer Me Buddha" just for good measure.

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Answer Me Jesus - Confounding homophobic Christians with hot-pink panache since 2006.